Practical advice for the performing arts

Category: Acting

Post-Pandemic Plans, Vol. 1: The Stepford Clones

Hi, everyone! In case you’ve been living under a rock, stuff has more or less ground to a halt in the traditional entertainment world (at the time of writing, he said hopefully) due to a horrifying pandemic. I feel for you and for all of us who appreciate the role that theater plays in enriching our lives.

I’m blessed to live in Rhode Island, which seems (again, at the time of writing, he said hopefully) to be weathering the proverbial storm well, and I’m also blessed — realizing I speak from a position of privilege here — that pandemic living wasn’t much of a change from regular living for me. I was always more of a takeout-and-delivery kind of guy, and frankly rather comfortable on the couch as opposed to in a crowd; my social life was thriving, but one of punctuated equilibrium rather than endless adventures with friends 24/7. Not a world of difference to someone like me.

Having said that, I know some people have it much harder than I do. To those of you really in the thick of it who are theater fans, and don’t have that source to which to turn to ease some of the pain of living, I share with you my philosophy on that count: everything we hold important to us, whatever it is, will be enriched and enhanced even more when we’re able to gather freely again. In the meantime, keep those special experiences alive — watch whatever shows, movies, etc., are available; listen to whatever recordings you have (yes, even the bootlegs); take stock of your swag, Playbills, ticket stubs, and so forth. Try to remember how that show or moment made you feel. By the time things have returned to something resembling normal, it’ll all mean even more.

I hope that, by that same time, some ideas I’ve been cooking up will come to fruition as well. They’re all listed in brief on page 3 of my company’s mission statement (hitherto tucked away on my bio page above), but I thought I’d expand on the thoughts behind them, the better to make my intentions clear as Hunter Arrogant Entertainment pushes forward into the future. Plus, if my friends who believe in the power of manifestation and post about it incessantly on every social media platform in existence are anything to go by, then “speaking it into being” may help me push it that extra inch farther when the time comes.

I’ll begin, as the title suggests, with The Stepford Clones.


In practical terms, as the description in the mission statement suggests, The Stepford Clones would be a resident company of performers designed to be the backbone of H.A.’s many projects in development. But they’d also be a sort of “island of misfit toys.” How so? I’ll explain.

I’ve recently noticed a phenomenon on Broadway that puzzles me to no end. Back in the day, there used to be tons of shows, be they musical or not, where the cast made it special, not the directing or the material. I remember seeing so many great performances in crappy shows over the years and thinking, “Wow! I don’t know how (insert actor name here) got out of this piece of shit unscathed, but they gave it their all and I couldn’t take my eyes off them the entire time.” (Sometimes being so convincing that I didn’t realize it was a piece of shit — and I have decent radar — until, much later on, I bought the album, read the script, or both, and thought, “…what the hell was so great about this?”)

Simply put: those days are gone. Now, if I see a show with shoddy writing or a bad directorial concept, the cast will usually come out of it looking equally inept, even when I’ve seen them shine elsewhere. I began to wonder why, to question what had happened to performers who could rise above a terrible show, and transcend the mundane. It’s so rare a phenomenon these days that when it does happen, it stands out. (In my opinion, Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire was one such occasion. The direction and the script were merely competent; the actors made that movie.)

As I began observing acting classes, forming many of the opinions that served as the basis for Acting 101 (For Broke People) (link is to that post), I started to figure out why. In addition to essentially training people for film and not grounding them in stage technique, arts educators had become good at cookie-cutter “one size fits all” teaching, most of which is pseudo-psychology that has placed a few such teachers on my shit list.

These days, the importance of being a “triple threat” has been stressed so much that it makes everyone bland — adequate singers, adequate dancers, adequate actors, nothing more. There’s no room for anyone who’s incredibly talented in just one or even two of those areas. Instead of focusing on specialized and individual performances, every actor is expected to be as averagely talented as the next. There’s no space for personality or unique talent; they haven’t done their apparent job if you haven’t been loaded down with study and had all the quirks pulled out of you.

In a single class, I witnessed two examples of this:

  • Guy #1 (who I’ll call “The Male Thelma Ritter,” or “Thelma” for short) was someone you might classify as a traditional character actor or even “second banana”; no way he’d play Romeo or any typical leading man convincingly. They didn’t know what to do with him, even when it was right in front of them; they gave him one Felix Unger scene, and he landed every Neil Simon joke like it was second nature, but it was summarily dismissed other than a perfunctory note of praise. And heaven forbid they let him blossom at it either; when Thelma got comfortable enough to try adding a bit of shtick, they told him he was mugging and that there was “no room for Nathan Lane in this exercise.” If it had been distracting from another person who was supposed to be in the spotlight at that moment, then criticism would’ve been warranted, but this was just a comic actor being creative. (For the record, the business he added was hysterical. Would’ve fit in perfectly on, say, the original Will and Grace.) Supporting roles are built in such a way now that they’re considered second leads by many, and the people who used to get supporting roles — the quirky, usually shorter, “character” guys — are being passed over for the androids. Further, any creativity that didn’t emanate from the leader (be it the director, a teacher, etc.) is stamped out, often simply because they didn’t think of it themselves. Talk about a horrible work environment for the actors. That’d make me phone in a performance, too.
  • Guy #2 (I’ll call him “Trad Dad”) is my favorite type of performer: striking, tall-ish, excellent body, quirky but attractive face, and can act and sing his ass off, with a phenomenal, loud, powerful baritone voice like a classic male musical theater star (think if Robert Preston could sing like Robert Goulet). No dancer, but someone your eyes just gravitate to when he’s on stage. Always on time, great to work with, personable, etc. Easily way more talent, and far more interesting, than most of the people on Broadway these days. If he’d come around in the Fifties or Sixties, a good casting director would’ve known what to do with him; he’d have never been out of work! They put him in a workshop for a new musical (one of the teachers, if I remember correctly, fancied herself a writer and decided she’d use the class as an inexpensive development lab). Trad Dad played a supporting role, pivotal but not the male lead, and so, somehow, despite being what he is, nobody thought he’d pull focus. I knew better, but I kept my mouth shut because I felt it’d be instructive to observe. Sure enough, after the show, his most frequent comment from audience members was “I couldn’t take my eyes off you.” Given the opportunity, personality and unique talent shined through after all. But that was a rare occasion. (And the attention he pulled was so lopsided that the role was re-conceived and he was not asked to return at the next phase of development. He dodged a bullet if you ask me, but I digress.) Other than that workshop, unless it’s a revival of a pre-Nineties show, it’s all about the nasal high tenor rock voices for the guys and shrieky mixed belts for the women (sopranos get a little bit more to do, but they, too, are under-utilized).

It became very clear that performers weren’t rising above mediocre material because naturally talented actors without a pedigree don’t get a chance anymore. Today the vast majority come out of “the schools,” to a point that if you don’t get into one of “the schools,” it’s a good idea to major in something else or double major. And if they come through “the schools,” any uniqueness has been bred out of them. It’s like Broadway only has room for Stepford clones. They’ve taken over.

The saddest part is, I honestly don’t think a gifted, unique performer could succeed on Broadway today. If you can stomach the notion, picture what might’ve happened if yesterday’s legends came along in today’s environment, the same as what made them famous. Take Carol Channing, for example; hilarious, interesting, oozing star power, but no passable tap skills or high belt. She’d be typed out at most auditions, and maybe if she was lucky, she could turn that voice and personality into a steady role on Saturday Night Live, assuming a classmate didn’t get the gig, and create a character based on her first. If she went to one of those schools, Mary Martin would’ve been belittled for all the quirkiness that made her a star; she’d have been limited to a mix of Kate MacKinnon and Stephanie Beatriz parts, with a twist of Megan Mullally if she was lucky, and that’s no knock on any of the three of them, but it’s not what she was. Ethel Merman would probably be in opera; nobody else could get a comic operetta role in her range in a 100-mile radius. And who wants to imagine Julie Andrews being happy, even thankful, to maintain a simple singing waitress gig in Midtown?

Well, in the words of Rob Brydon, I’m simply not having it! I want unique personalities that can carry a show. I want the people who slipped through the cracks. I want rustlers, cutthroats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperadoes, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, horn-swogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers, and Methodists. (…sorry, got a bit carried away and crossed wires with Blazing Saddles for a sec. Where was I? Ah, yes…) I want the kind of stand-outs who can’t even get arrested for cruise ship and theme park jobs, to give them an excellent start to their groundwork. And I want to call the troupe something that thumbs its nose at all the Broadway “cookie cutter” types that held them back.

Thus — I hope — The Stepford Clones.

Don’t get me wrong; as with any new idea, there are bound to be issues. For example, that mission statement is going to attract a lot of self-aware character actors and types who only think they’re quirky. Indeed, it has the potential to become a breeding ground for a bunch of self-consciously “quirky” sociopaths. I’ve seen a few job spaces that prioritized getting performers on that kind of basis, and it was its own nightmare. There’s also a bit of worry about potentially offending people sought out for The Stepford Clones who don’t see themselves as that type. But as the proverb says, “You gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet.” Trial and error will hopefully yield a harvest.


Well, that’s all I have for now. Tune in soon for my next post-pandemic plan!

Fan Cast Recordings: A Quick Tutorial

Hello, everyone! Sorry I haven’t posted here lately except to slag others off. I feel bad about being this negative so often in a public venue, especially as there’s an overload of negativity in the world and the news today, so I felt that I’d wait to post until I had a topic we could all unite around more positively.

So I went back to my roots to try to figure out what to talk about, and was reminded of a phenomenon that was popular in my youth: the “fan cast recording.” Now this, I felt, was a topic that would connect directly to fandom. I’ve seen many of them rise and fall, and thought I’d compile some ground rules that could work for your effort if you’re so inclined.


A Brief Overview Before We Begin

As you all may or may not know, a cast recording is a recording of a stage musical that is intended to document the songs as they were performed in the show and experienced by the audience. An original cast recording (or OCR), as the name implies, features the voices of the show’s original cast.

Sometimes, fans are so enthusiastic about the show they love and brimming with enthusiasm and (occasionally) talent, that they decide to band together and record a version of their own. Some fan cast recordings are simple, with people picking the roles they’d like to play and proceeding to do it; others are more elaborate, with an “audition process” open to the public to draw in more bodies from the broad fandom than the small circle of friends that may have originated it.

Attempted fan cast recordings of CarrieHamiltonHeathersJesus Christ SuperstarLes MisérablesNewsiesThe Phantom of the OperaSpamalot, and Tanz der Vampire, among others, litter the web. (And that’s just what I could find from being part of two of those, and Google searching the rest. There are many more lost to the mists of time, like when the forum at CompulsiveBowlers.org [RIP] attempted Rent.) The phenomenon is almost as old as fan communities first gathering on the Internet.

Trial and error, and misguided ambition, have laid bare many of the rookie mistakes one can make. I’m here to give a few tips to ensure a fan-made cast recording of your favorite musical might be finished to completion, and make it clear what this process entails if you want to do it well, even on $3.99 and a catnip mouse.


The Tips

Preparation

  1. Have a solid backing track in place. I mean, it’s rare to attempt a fan cast recording with musicians and vocals at the same time, but I still must warn against it. You don’t want to cut both live. Even if it’s one person on piano, a really good karaoke or instrumental collection, or you’ve engineered a piece of sheet music (via notation programs and manual adjustment in recording software) to sound somewhat like a real orchestra, you don’t want to be playing at the same time as the person singing live in (what amounts to) your studio, because if the singer screws up, you have to go back and play it all over again. As for attempting a recording without a backing track, I suppose you could, but that’s a quick way to be branded as sounding amateurish and having more ambition than skills.
  2. Use higher-quality recording software than the basic package on your computer. This doesn’t have to break the bank or your machine. Some decent possibilities include Adobe Audition, GoldWave, and Audacity. (The last one in particular is free, available for both PC and Mac, and has a Wiki and a robust user base to help with any questions you may have.)
  3. Have someone reasonably skilled with recording software (an “engineer” type) involved. You’ll need somebody to piece the raw materials together, fine-tune them, and give you something polished. Even someone with a lot of spare time (can’t stress that enough) who’s eager to learn and can Google a solution is better than roughing it.
  4. Have at least one leader/boss person. Somebody to make tough decisions, set deadlines, keep you on task, and guide the artistic direction of the recording is important. If you’re not comfortable trusting a single person with this task, then maybe a committee of some kind would work, as long as rules are in place and everybody agrees to them.

Recording

Microphone advice
  1. Try to get a separate USB microphone. I don’t recommend using a built-in mic on your machine; it’s generally rougher than something you can control.
  2. Always use a stand for your microphone if possible. Even if that means you’re just taping the mic to something. No matter how careful you are, the “engineer” person might have to clean out a lot of mic noise from even the smallest movements.
  3. Some DIY may be required for optimal sound. For example, most microphones these days ship with windscreens, which are quite inexpensive and do wonders in eliminating background noise, especially wind (hence the name). Using one makes a world of difference. But, costs being what they are, you may have to improvise and build a windscreen of your own. Luckily, this is simple: take a coat hanger and make a circle of it (I like doing it this way because you can use the stem to hang it from a stand, if necessary), or use a cross-stitch fabric holder; get a pair of hose that is in good shape (from a mom, a girlfriend, your collection — I don’t judge), and wash them (because who needs foot stank in their nostrils when they sing); stretch the hose — one leg is plenty — over the circle fairly tightly and tie it off, giving you two layers that aren’t too dense; and mount it to your stand, thread it under your mic through the stand clip, mount it to your desk, etc., whatever works for your situation.
  4. Stand a good six to twelve inches away from the microphone when recording. This affects what some call the vocal’s “presence.” While you sometimes want that up-close sound, and other times want a farther-away sound, 6″ – 12″ is a good average. You may think that it makes for a more uneven recording, but so long as you have a quiet room to record in, it allows you to tape a little bit hotter with a more even overall sound. A good “sound” person who is either talented or great at Googling and seeking advice can compress your track and make it sound right, but if you eat the mic, they can’t make you blend into the music as well.
General recording tips
  1. Do not record your vocals without headphones (or at least earbuds). I speak from personal experience on this one. It’s much harder to work with your vocals if there’s a track bleeding in on them. You want to be able to manipulate each element in isolation from the other, and you can’t do that if you just plug in a mic and start singing along to the track. (I don’t recommend using a built-in mic on your machine; it’s generally rougher than something you can control.)
  2. Use the fact of number 1 to your advantage. Have you ever been listening to music in headphones while trying to talk to someone, and they’re like “You don’t have to yell, I’m standing right here!?!” Well, it works for recording, too. If you’re having problems achieving a softer vocal tone for a certain piece, turn your vocal up in your headphones. Your brain will force you to sing softer. Likewise, if you need a louder, stronger tone and are having trouble, turn your vocal down in your headphones. You will, by necessity, sing louder and stronger. (It could also work the opposite way. Adapt the trick to your particular idiosyncrasies.)
  3. Be aware of your software’s limitations, and adjust accordingly. For example, a frequent problem is that someone’s vocals can distort and sound too loud in their recording, and the software may not seem to have a way to turn down your recording level. Check carefully first, but if it doesn’t, you may have to use the audio controls (system mixer) built into your computer’s operating system. (It’s up to you to look up how to do that; I can’t do all your homework for you!)
  4. Exaggerate your performance as necessary. Don’t forget that you’re not participating in a real production. People aren’t seeing you do this; they’re listening to it. Don’t overwhelm the listener with all the theatrics you might apply to a live performance, but bear in mind to adjust your delivery to the nature of a recording and play it for the ear alone. They’ve got to feel the joy, or despair, or anger, without being able to see it, and that means you might need to push. You have plenty of time to take breaks, recover, etc., in between takes that they will never know about.
  5. A rule of thumb when recording solo vocals: four takes of every song, straight through, no stopping. That’s all you need to start with; there are not that many ways to style a line when singing it, and a person doesn’t mess up a lyric or note in the same spot every time. If you’re lucky enough to be able to get people together, then the same rule with two or three people would be three takes where each sings solo and one where they’re all in the room at the same time. Three are for insurance, the fourth is for atmosphere and natural interplay. (This does not apply to the ensemble, which I’ll define as more than three people. Don’t over-exert yourself, cut the vocals separately and balance them later.)
  6. The better material you start with, the better your end product. Try to export your raw work in WAV files; they’re one of the simplest digital audio file formats, and they are also lossless, uncompressed, and broadcast/CD quality. If you want your final recording to sound great, it’s imperative to start with the best possible sound at each phase of production.
  7. That work should be raw. Don’t be self-conscious and try to apply fixes before you send your work to the “engineer” person. Their job is to prep and mix everyone to sound as similar in recording quality as possible (EQ, compression, and so forth), and that will mean combining the best of multiple takes (more about that below). Give them your raw vocal tracks with confidence.

Post-Production

  1. The “engineer’s” best friend: the “comp” vocal. Make careful note of the best moments from each take, and assemble them into a “comp” vocal (i.e., one master take, compiled from multiple versions). With a backing track already in place, all you’re doing is editing together the best vocal, and it won’t affect anything else that’s been recorded. For the best possible results, poll anyone whose opinion can be reasonably trusted, especially the “boss” person(s). Find out what they think are the best moments. Where they agree, make the edit agreed upon; where they disagree, weigh each option and make your own decision. Be prepared to do this more than once, but that’s okay because recording software in the digital age makes this much easier than tape splicing. (What you didn’t get in four takes, you can always fix at this point. Got an agreeable “comp” vocal, but one line is only the best you could get out of four takes and not the best? Have the singer re-cut just that line.)
  2. Only deploy a “bag of tricks” at this point. “Engineers,” whatever you think a voice needs — reverb, EQ, light tuning if needed — do it only after you’ve already cut together the “comp” vocal. Don’t do it to every take and then try to cut it together. It’ll never work; too many artifacts unique to each take. (Those of you who have any degree of skill probably already know or assumed this; this advice is recorded purely for the total amateurs.)
  3. Once it’s as mixed as possible, it’s time to master it, if you want it to sound good. Mastering dependably makes your mixes sound better, “engineers,” and in the professional world, mastering engineers specialize in standardizing and refining the dynamics, loudness, consistency, and timing of your tracks. They’re experts at applying complementary levels of EQ and compression, helping each element of your music sound clearer and smoother (they use the kind of top-flight equipment most of us can only dream of putting our mixes through!). There are affordable mastering engineers with great reputations online to whom you can send your stuff for a reasonable per-song fee (anywhere from $40 – $75 U.S.), but if your resources, as I said above, are $3.99 and a catnip mouse, you might consider trying it yourself with some of these tips from another blog.

And there you have it! You won’t be able to pull off everything, but if you can accomplish more than one of the items above, then you might have something.

Road Trip: Tips for the First-Time Touring Performer

Even after making it on Broadway, few actors can sustain a successful career by only working in New York City. Life on the road has become an unavoidable necessity for many Broadway performers. For some, performing on a Broadway national tour is preferable to performing on Broadway. There’s more money to be made, in every town you’re treated like a rock star, you get to see the country, and you’re free from the everyday responsibilities and challenges that come with living in New York City. However, the road also places strain on an actor’s personal life and romantic relationships. Many performers simply lose their grip on reality. To avoid you losing your grip, I’ve collected this set of stories (some of which are excerpted from Making It on Broadway: Actors’ Tales of Climbing to the Top, by Jodie Langel and David Wienir) from so-called “road warriors,” along with practical advice about what to pack, how to cope with situations that arise on the road, what to do with your money, and more!

Glossary

Let’s open the floor with some quick definitions. I’ll explain what constitutes a tour in my book, and also cover some common tour terms. Some of these will be no-brainers to veterans, and that’s fine; this is for the newbies. My definitions may not necessarily agree with other, more general, definitions of the same terms. Again, that’s fine; this is tour- (and me-) specific.

  • National tour: A professional touring company of a show (a play, a musical, or a performance by an established act – be it musical or non, union or not), requiring performers to travel to many locations and “bring their thing to the people,” so to speak.
  • International tour: See above, but you get to go to various exotic locales while doing your thing.
  • Union: In this context, for actors and stage managers, this is the Actors’ Equity Association in North America and simply Equity, formerly the British Actors’ Equity Association, in the UK. If you’re not in North America or the United Kingdom, you’ll probably have to do a bit of work to find out your constituency. For a list of the benefits Equity provides, I suggest North American performers check out this page and UK performers check out this page. (TL;DR: It’s staggering what the union provides.)
  • Union tours (also known as Equity tours): The tour you dream of landing once you’re in the union. How does this affect tours? Well, aside from all those benefits, it affects your scheduling. Generally, you play mainly major cities on a union tour, and the minimum stay in town is one or two days per city, maximum is a week. Aside from short bus trips within a state or region, you spend most of your time traveling from city to city by airplane.
  • Non-union tours (also known as non-Equity tours): The shit you slog through to earn performance credits toward your Equity card, and experience for your résumé, to say nothing of that little paper with pictures of dead Presidents on it that you exchange for stuff like food and lodging; a show which (frequently) features a reduced physical production to accommodate smaller venues and tighter schedules, and unless you’ve got a terrific agent, in the words of Huey Lewis, you’re “takin’ what they’re givin’ ‘cause you’re workin’ for a livin’.” You’ll probably see smaller cities in parts of the country that have heretofore only been on a map, and you’ll largely be playing “split weeks” and “one-nighters,” with few exceptions. These shows used to be (sometimes still are) known as bus-and-truck tours because, instead of by air (with some exceptions), the cast and (a skeleton) crew (supplemented by local hired hands at various stops, which is also true on union tours) travel by bus and the sets and equipment by truck.
  • Split weeks: Half a week in one town, half a week in another.
  • One-nighters: To quote Dreamgirls, “one night only.” During a full slate of one-nighters, you close the show in one city and have another performance the next night somewhere else, plus or minus one day to “load in” or “load out” depending on gaps in the schedule. Don’t even bother unpacking anything more than street clothes to wear before and after the show.

Life on the Road in General

Stephen Sondheim gently sent up the touring world with the number “The Glamorous Life” in A Little Night Music. Many performers can attest that touring is no less frantic and exciting than the number it inspired. As Christiane Noll put it, “Your world becomes an encapsulated microcosm that bounces from city to city.” Jessica Snow Wilson said, “On tour, you just get swept away into a fantasy life.” Jeff Gurner concurs, painting a very rosy picture: “Tour life is fantasy-land. You have nothing to do all day. Life is fun. You see sights. You golf. You party. […] We’d smoke and then go to an underground club. We would drink our asses off. That is what life is like on the road. It’s like being a rock star. All you have to do is walk into a bar with your show jacket, and you get attention. You stay at beautiful hotels, and then you do the show at night.”

But the glamour runs thin. Marc Kudisch said, “I hate tour life. It’s like being in high school. Life isn’t real. I mean, it’s great in some ways and horrible in others. You’re making a lot of money, and you have no responsibilities. It’s a breeding ground for trouble.” Jodie Langel adds, “As wonderful as road life can be, you sometimes turn into the worst version of yourself.” To quote Betsy Joslyn: “I was on tour with Into the Woods. Because I was one of the stars, I had to do a lot of press. We did split weeks and one-nighters. Sometimes, we performed in three different cities in one week. I remember one day in particular. I don’t know where the hell we were. I had only five minutes before a phone interview. I literally had five minutes before the phone was going to ring. When I got to the room, it was disgusting. Someone had been smoking. The room hadn’t been cleaned. Nevertheless, I had to stay in the room because of the call. So there I was, sitting off a parking lot in a flea-pit motel in Podunk, Iowa, with the doors open to get some air, when this woman calls and starts talking about how glamorous my life must be. And, while I was thinking, ‘If you could only see the cigarette butts,’ a stray cat wandered in. That’s the reality.” Dave Clemmons concurs, especially about the effect of touring on one’s career: “Tour life is not reality. When I played Jean Valjean in Les Misérables, I was a huge star. In every city, my face was on the front page of the newspaper. Life-size posters of me were in the front of the theaters. I received great reviews. Everyone wanted to know me. When I moved back to New York, no one knew who the hell I was. What I did on the road didn’t mean jack to anyone in New York.”

Still, on the line between fantasy and reality, there’s making a living. “As an actor, you have to always be aware that you could go on tour at any moment,” says Jessica Snow Wilson. If all of the above doesn’t discourage you, then you’re ready for show business. As John Rubinstein put it, “A dedication to a life [in the theater] requires you to overlook so many impediments, obstacles, and discouragements. There is always a statistical avalanche rolling against you as you try to walk up the hill. […] The only way to walk up that hill, with the avalanche pouring down on you, is if it’s the only direction you can possibly go.” As hard as it can be, if you’re serious about this, then I want to help you prepare for life on the road. And so, the better for you to be ready, here are some tips to that end.

Loading, Luggage, and Laundry

And by loading, of course, I mean packing. In short: pack the essentials (in other words, what you may need routinely for one-and-a-half to two weeks max).

  • Clothing-wise, go with what’s comfortable and pack shoes that go with anything you wear. That’s a good general rule, actually: the more you can mix and match, the better, so make sure everything you pack goes with everything else (i.e. if you can only wear that one top with a certain pair of pants, leave both the top and the pants at home). And don’t forget to bring a jacket or coat for the cooler climates. (I recommend one with a zip-out lining so you can adjust as necessary to the weather. Thinsulate liners are light and warm.)
  • Keep a plastic garbage bag for your dirty stuff; you’ll undoubtedly have no choice but to pack dirty stinky clothing along the way and it helps to have some separation of clean from dirty.
  • Unless you have very specific skin or hair needs, avoid packing your favorite “products.” Shampoo/conditioner and soap are heavy, take up space, and liquids can leak or explode at the most unfortunate of times. Besides, they’re all supplied for free at the hotels which will become your temporary home.
  • In the event you’re going to be on a bus, remember to pack a cheap pillow. You will learn the best way to sleep on a bus.

The inevitable after-birth of packing is luggage, so it’s important to add a few tips in that direction. Before I do, though, fair warning: these mainly apply to being on a union tour, dealing as they do with weight limits on trains and airplanes. For a bus-and-truck or non-union where you’re most likely, as I said above, figuring out how to sleep on a bus seat, just try to aim for one large suitcase, with the knowledge you can fill another bag, maybe two, with extras. Alright, union people, let’s go!

  • Buy a lot of space-saver bags, and not just the ones you can vacuum, ’cause you won’t always find a vacuum (especially one with a hose) on tour; I recommend the ones you can vacuum and/or roll. It’ll make your bags heavier, but you can pay the airline a fee to accept overweight baggage. Additional luggage is also covered by extra fees, but if you have enough luggage that you’d be paying on the regular, use the space-saver bags and don’t exceed the limit.
  • On an airline, you can have two pieces of baggage, a carry-on, plus a “personal item.” Choose wisely. If you’re particularly attached to your technology, I suggest a messenger bag with such accouterments inside as a “personal item,” and another piece of luggage with clothes as your carry-on.
  • On trains, there’s good news and there’s bad news. The good news is, you don’t have to pay a fee for overweight luggage. The bad news is, the weight limit is less than the airlines, and you don’t have to pay a fee because trains don’t accept overweight luggage period. Plan carefully.

To circle back to what’s in the luggage for a second, you’re probably wondering: “I’m on the move with no time to waste and I have street clothes to pack, sometimes so quickly that I have no choice but to stuff dirty ones in a garbage bag. Am I ever gonna have time to wash my clothes? Should I even bother?” First of all, yes, you grotty bastard, you should be washing them. Frequently. Especially if you’re keeping to the standard rule of packing what you’d need for one-and-a-half to two weeks max.

So when and how do you wash them? Well, there are two ways to handle it. The first — and most obvious — is to take advantage of the fact that most hotels have laundry machines on site. Most also have a laundry service if you’re not the type to go down to the machine and do it yourself, especially after a draining performance.

Then again, some hotels don’t have laundry machines, or, if they do, there’s no laundry service and consequently, it’s “survival of the fittest” between you and the other guests. What do you do in that situation? This advice is less obvious, but useful in a pinch: befriend the wardrobe department on your show. If you get to be really good friends with them, and they like you, one of the perks of being friendly with them is knowing when they’re not using the washing machines at the venue for costumes. This will frequently fall during understudy rehearsals when the rest of the cast isn’t needed, so feed two birds with one hand – get in your rehearsal (if you’re an understudy) and get a clean load of clothes done while you work! (If you’re not an understudy, nip into the theater during downtime and pray no one else had the same idea.)

Bills and Boredom

According to John Kander and Fred Ebb in the film (and various stage revivals) of Cabaret, “Money makes the world go round.” Indeed there’s more dough to be made on a national tour (provided, of course, you’re union) than there is on Broadway, without living expenses, among other responsibilities, to worry about. But sometimes on the road, it’s hard to remember you’re doing this tour for a finite amount of time and not for the rest of your life. When you lose your grip on reality, it’s the difference between “Hey, Big Spender” and “Brother, Can You Spare a Dime?”

First, a word about how salary (and, as a result, accommodations) works. On an Equity tour (and some non-Equity tours as well), you make a per diem every week in addition to your paycheck. The per diem goes — theoretically, anyway — toward hotels, meals, and any other daily expenses. It’s also worth noting that there are three types of Equity contracts especially prevalent in the touring market at the moment (a Production contract, a Tiered contract, and a SETA contract), and each affects the options you get for arranging accommodations covered by your per diem.

On Production and Tiered contracts, the actors pay for their hotels. The producer books two to three options that the actors can choose from (one tends to be higher priced, the other lower, and sometimes a third option in between “nice” and “economy” is available as well), or they can cut out the middleman, go off on their own, and still receive the same per diem. On a Tiered contract, if an actor consistently chooses the lower-priced option, they can be reimbursed if they spend more than a certain percentage over a certain period. On SETA, the per diem is lower, but the producers are booking and paying for the hotel, and the hotel they book has to meet certain quality standards. The per diem rate varies on the SETA contract; it’s higher if the actor chooses to room with another performer and higher still if the actor elects to find their housing themselves.

With that out of the way, you’re making a shit-ton of money on tour, earning per diem on top of salary, so naturally, there’s a temptation to spend. Cue cautionary tales from actors!

…a lot of your money goes, especially if you are young and immature and don’t realize that money doesn’t come so easily. I would buy full-length leather coats. Christmas was extremely good for my family that year. I had money for the first time. It wasn’t that much, but it was $1500 per week instead of the $100 that I was used to. I’d go to The Body Shop and drop $100 without even thinking about it. It was absurd.

Marsh Hanson

You’ve got all this money, because you aren’t paying rent and because you are earning a per diem. You think, ‘Oh, look at that really cool leather coat. I’m going to buy that. Give me that three-hundred-dollar pair of sunglasses.’ A three-hundred-dollar pair of sunglasses? You buy it because you’re in fantasy-land.

Jeff Gurner

If you are smart, you will save your money. If you’re not, you will spend it all. I was on the road at twenty-four years old. I went from having no money to making thousands a week. I only saved a little bit. I mean, a little bit. I had bought more crap than you can possibly imagine. I had to buy an extra duffel bag for all of my boots. I had fourteen pairs of boots. When we were in Boston, I brought my boot bag home. I had to choose just a couple pairs to travel with because they were getting too heavy and clunky. I put them in the basement of my old apartment. They were stolen. My point – fourteen pairs of boots. That’s about $4,000, and it was stolen. You know what? Good. It taught me a lesson. Don’t spend your money on shit. That was just stupid.

Marc Kudisch

Never mind the world’s longest-ever “Treat Yo Self Day”… absurdly expensive gifts for friends suddenly become a snap:

On the Les Misérables tour, I bought six hundred dollars’ worth of Christmas presents for the girl I was messing around with behind my girlfriend’s back. Also, I remember buying a three-hundred-dollar leather jacket for a girl I was ‘hanging out’ with.

David Josefsberg

(Ah yes, the dreaded “showmance”… we’ll return to this phenomenon shortly.)

So how does one avoid the temptation to spend? How does one limit their ability to buy stupid crap? Well, Marc Kudisch’s earlier quote about being smart by saving your money is as simple as it gets. Another performer agrees:

Because I had to work so hard to get through college, I knew I needed to save because I wanted to be free to audition when I was not performing. So, when I went on the road, I sent my entire paycheck every week to a savings account and made investments. I never touched my paycheck. I lived only off the per diem. That allowed me, later on, to make choices which helped me move into new roles. I am a child of immigrants. My parents are both from Cuba, and they have always drummed into my head the importance of saving. I had a great time on tour, but I chose to put my money away. I had something else in mind.

Ana Maria Andricain

It’s a bit of a hand-to-mouth existence, but it is the most intelligent move. And if you can save some of that per diem and pocket it, you never know when having a little cash might be helpful, as this story illustrates:

I was on the road with Les Misérables, and we were playing West Point. For a couple of months, I had been performing the lead role of Jean Valjean, the convict who broke parole and was running from the law. We had a couple of days off before we were to perform in West Point. I got sick. I went to the doctor in New York City and he prescribed antibiotics. On the way back to West Point, I rented a car with three other guys from the cast. We left at 4:00 P.M. to beat the traffic. I was driving the car down the Palisades Parkway and we were about forty-five minutes from West Point. I was in the left lane. The next thing I noticed was a cop car. It came up from behind and zoomed out in front of us. I saw him pull over in the distance. I slowed down as I passed. Suddenly, I heard a siren. The cop pulled us over and began asking us a lot of strange questions. He kept mentioning drugs. Suddenly, I looked around the car and I realized that we were four long-haired and bearded guys in a brand-new rental car. The cop individually pulled everyone out of the car. He asked my friends how long they had known me and what we were doing. He searched the trunk, and said something about trafficking weapons. I had gotten a ticket a year earlier, but the state of Tennessee, my home state, never received record that the ticket had been paid. Once the cop saw the outstanding ticket on my record, he put me in the back of the squad car and took me to jail. It was now 5:30 P.M. and we had a sound check at 6:30 P.M. In jail, he told me that there was a warrant out for my arrest. He said that unless I could come up with $500 in cash, immediately, I was going to sit in the jail cell all night. Meanwhile, we were in the middle of rural New Jersey. This was before there were cash machines on every street corner. It was now 6:00 P.M. My fellow cast members said, “We have to go.” I said, “You are not leaving me here!” Luckily, one of the guys in the car had cashed his paycheck before we left New York City. He gave $500 to the cop, and they released me from jail.

Dave Clemmons

To summarize, direct deposit the salary, live off the per diem because it might save your ass, and check yourself before you wreck yourself when it comes to impulse buys. Having said that, however, I do recognize that no one wants to spend their night at the hotel making a sandwich; you’ll want to treat yourself once in a while. Further, if the food has to be cheap, then it should at least be tasty. So here are the top tips for the compulsive shoppers and food lovers in the group:

  • Despite the saving, you’ll want cool souvenirs from the places you go. It’s understandable. But you don’t want to create an ongoing packing problem. (Witness Marc Kudisch’s boot bag above.) To avoid this, mail your purchases back home, or, in the event, you don’t maintain a home while on the road, send them to a family member or good friend to hold until you get back. You ideally don’t want to come off tour with more luggage than you started with, and the more stuff you try to take with you, the more it makes traveling a hassle.
  • Each town will be in part about where food is after the performance. And, not looking to blow through your money quickly, you can’t expect to eat like a gourmet. You can ask around for the best local places to eat and drink, but if you want something more comfortable and consistent, and familiar, Denny’s will become your best friend. (Chick-Fil-A is also amazing, but not a lot of cities have it, and besides, fuck their politics.) And of course, if you finally get “home” for the night and everything is closed, there’s always room service or preparing your meal yourself.

Sometimes, however, it’s not spending per se that’s the problem. Sometimes it’s monotony. Time on the road is made longer by having nothing to do. After a while, everything becomes routine. Five terms describe the theaters: new, old, restored, clean, and dirty. (No more than three will ever apply.) You’ll learn how to adapt to different performing spaces, how to do a good show when you’re dead tired, and how to simply explain any quick changes to new dressers (sometimes six times a week in six different towns). If you’re smart, savvy, and play your cards right, you’ll come off the tour a pro. But once all the growing pains are out of the way, it does get kinda dull:

On tour, you get up very late because you go to bed at two or three in the morning. The show gets out at 11:30 P.M. and you are so energized that you can’t go to sleep unless you take sleeping pills, which is what I later learned to do. So you stay up late, watch television, or drink at the hotel bar. The next day, you may or may not have a matinee performance or a rehearsal. If it is a free day, you probably go to the mall and spend money out of sheer boredom. You might see a movie. […] Then back to the theater. You do the show at night, and then repeat the same goddamn thing. After performing a five-show weekend, you come home on Sunday night and pack. Monday, you travel to a new town. Now, for the first time, you realize that nothing fits in your three large suitcases because you bought so much stuff at the mall. Packing becomes a three-hour ordeal. The next day, you get on a plane at 7:00 A.M.

Marsh Hanson

Idle hands are the Devil’s playground, and life on the road can become fraught with dangerous possibilities. Sometimes the crazy schedule will wreak havoc with your biological clock and personal habits. Everyone slips up once in a while:

One Friday night, when I was on my national tour of Jekyll & Hyde in New Orleans, I forgot to set my alarm clock to wake me up for the 2:00 P.M. Saturday matinee. At 1:35 P.M., I received a call in my hotel room from a frantic stage manager. “Where are you? Where are you?” I quickly rushed out of bed. I arrived at the theater wearing only boxer shorts – no T-shirt, no socks, and no shoes. In the cab ride over, I washed my hair by sticking my head outside the window and pouring a bottle of Evian water on my head.

William Thomas Evans

Barring the odd mishap, the grind is rough on people touring for the first time:

The dynamics were hard. I had never experienced anything like that in my life, where you are working, eating, sleeping, and spending all of your time with the same group of actors. I lost my mind for a while. I thought I would have to go on Xanax because the thought of going to work made me physically ill. I started to get stomach problems. I had irritable bowel syndrome. I had acid reflux. I made myself sick from overexposure to these people. What I missed the most on tour were refrigerator magnets. Of all things, I missed having magnets on the fridge that I would see every day. One day, I walked out of a stage door and broke down because I didn’t know where I was. I didn’t know what city I was in. I didn’t know what day of the week it was. All of the stage doors looked the same. I absolutely started to lose my mind…

Rena Strober

Hanson and Strober both allude to the legitimate use of pills in getting through the rigors of touring. Ideally, you don’t want to become dependent on artificial energy your first time on the road, but actors and dancers get injured all the time, and a little something to get through a show is not uncommon. Of course, some people can use recreational or prescription drugs without ever experiencing negative consequences or addiction. But for many others, substance use can cause problems:

When I was on the road with Cats, I was surrounded by dancers who would take eight Advil at a time. Pain pills were everywhere. Even though my character, Grizabella, could be fat and ugly, I felt pressure to be skinny like everyone else. At the same time, I wanted to have fun and be social each night after the show. I couldn’t smoke – it was bad for my voice. I couldn’t drink – it would make me fat. The pills would have to do. I started taking Percocet with the dancers after the show. I needed it for an escape. Like so many people in the show, I quickly became addicted. In every new city, I scouted for pills. I would go backstage and ask the stagehands. It got to the point where I needed to have two Ambien and a glass of wine each night before going to bed.

Jodie Langel

In the Cats national tour, many people in the cast relied on pills. One of the actors would take four to six Ripped Fuel, a drug with ephedrine, just to get through the show. I knew his body hurt, but I wondered why he did the show if he was so injured and he needed drugs just to get through. It was pathetic, and he had major mood swings. He was really high or really low, always complaining, and never happy. There were so many people on tour who were unhappy. One of the main reasons they stayed in the show was out of fear of not finding another job. They also knew that tons of people would die to have their job. So they just continued to do the show, unhappy and in pain.

Kevin Loreque

So how do you keep from getting bored? What breaks up the monotony and tedium of a touring schedule? How do you avoid socializing and stimulants controlling your atmosphere? It’s easier for some than others to get over the doldrums, I’ll grant, but to this incurable optimist, there are a few solutions.

  • First, take care of yourself. Get lots of rest, because you’ll need it; it’s not for nothing that Ethel Merman once said you have to “live like a fucking nun” to do musical comedy right. In an excerpt from an interview conducted by Andrew J. Simpson for Jesus Christ Superstar Zone, Stephen Lehew shares his view on post-performance behavior: “I was very fortunate to get my first professional job at the age of 17. It was with a company that taught me how to work, and be professional. They taught me how to ‘suit up,’ show up on time, and give 100%. That’s one of the reasons why I never missed a show with JCS. Of course, at that point, I knew what it took for me to be able to do that. What it took was I had to be quiet for part of the day. I couldn’t go out and party, although I did occasionally, not for very long. I did that not just because I take pride in what I do, but also because I was working for people, I was getting paid, and I had my name above the title, so there was a responsibility there. We had a lot of young people in that cast, and I saw them burn the candle at both ends, and get out onstage and not do the work that they were required to do.”
  • Secondly, being on tour is an unparalleled opportunity to explore places and events you never thought you’d see. You never know if you’ll be back in that part of the country again. So, good or bad, be sure to check it out. See and experience every city! Have fun! (If you can’t have fun, what’s the point?) Sight-see, and go do stuff (you can find batting cages, mini-golf, bowling — the “I” states [Indiana, Illinois, Iowa] are especially conducive to bowling, laser tag, boats or jet skis to rent at lakes/beaches, catch the must-see movies, even try to see local theater). This type of making the most of your music (as Sondheim would put it) can have unexpected advantages. One actor friend confides, “I know a few cities I’ve liked so much that I went back to spend more time in after the tours. Charleston and Savannah come to mind.”
  • Finally, when all else fails, seek out what is comfortable and familiar for you. Rena Strober’s solution to the stresses of touring life, for example, came in an unexpected form: “…I started to go to synagogue in each city. I needed something familiar. I hadn’t gone to synagogue since I was thirteen. I wasn’t a religious person at all. In each city, the Jewish community took me in. They thought I was this amazing person on the national tour of Les Misérables. ‘Come into our synagogue.’ ‘Marry our grandsons.’ ‘Eat our gefilte fish.’ So every week, in every city, I started going to synagogue, and it saved my life.”

Interpersonal Relationships (Including “Showmances”)

Emotion is defined as “agitation or disturbance of mind; vehement or excited mental state.” And, as The Rocky Horror Picture Show pointed out, it’s also a cruel and irrational master. Life on the road with the same group of people every day can take an emotional and psychological toll. Cliques, friendships, and even the infamous “showmance” will all have their part to play. But since I know what you randy young first-timers want to hear about, I’ll get through the clique and friendship stuff as quickly and as generally as I can. Love is the kind of minefield that deserves as much attention as it can get.

Kurt Vonnegut once said that true terror is waking up one morning and discovering that your high school class is running the country. Even more terrifying to an actor is to discover that being on a national tour, union or non, is like being in high school all over again:

I think it was Patti LuPone who said, “It’s a long walk from the dressing room to the stage.” And it’s true. The experience of being on stage is about ten percent of your experience as an actor. The rest is interpersonal bullshit. It’s like being in summer camp. You are sequestered in a building with no light and a whole bunch of needy people.

Craig Rubano

If it’s a large company, cliques will form. And let’s not forget, you aren’t the only first-timer on the road. Some people may feel more comfortable with things on the road than they are at home, by which I mean there’s a good chance that someone will come out of the closet. Equally common is that there will be at least one major marriage (or marriage equivalent) break-up, and another will form. You may even find yourself in a relationship. Christiane Noll has a theory as to why: “You all have a similar goal, so obviously, you have a lot in common.”

It’s also worth pointing out that touring brings together people from many different backgrounds, with many different points of view. It’s not like Tumblr, where every trigger has a warning and every form of bigotry has a label. Your fellow cast members may share an opinion vastly different from the majority:

We were in Topeka, Kansas. Cats had never been there before. One day, somebody came into my dressing room and said, “People are picketing the show!” I wondered, “They are picketing Cats?” I didn’t get it. Did they think it was cruelty to animals? They couldn’t be that stupid. What the hell was going on? When I heard the news, I had my Cats make-up on and my hair was in pin-curlers. I must have looked like a kabuki weirdo. When I went outside to see what was going on, there were about fifteen people with signs, marching. The signs read: “New York Fags Go Home” and “Fags Die of AIDS.” I was flabbergasted. I immediately asked to speak with the owner of the theater. The owner said the guy outside was a fundamentalist preacher who pickets everything that comes into town. This was the same guy who picketed Matthew Shepard’s funeral and the wakes and funerals of people who die of AIDS. I was worried about safety. A woman came up to us and said, “This happens all the time. We just ignore it.” I said, “You can’t ignore this kind of stuff. It doesn’t go away unless you say something.” I wrote to the city council. The mayor’s name was Butch. He responded by saying, “You New Yorkers think you know about the First Amendment, but you don’t. We can say whatever we want here in Topeka.” Three weeks later, we were in Raleigh. One day, when I checked my mailbox, I noticed that everybody had been sent a five-page note. It read, in part: “I am trying to explain these people’s position. This is why God doesn’t condone homosexuality.” It was signed by five people on the Cats tour. It had Biblical references. “God loves you, he just doesn’t love you being a homosexual.” Needless to say, it caused a huge rift in the cast.

Robert DuSold

Make no mistake, people: you have to be prepared to roll with anything. And I do mean anything. Theater, by nature, can lead to a type of sexual intimacy not common in other professions. Actors thrust into romantic roles can quickly lose track of reality. Boundaries are blurred, and lines are often crossed:

I have seen so many relationships fall apart. In this business, we work so intimately with people – everyone is always falling in love with his or her costar. It is ridiculous. You work with someone for nine hours a day and then you go out with him at night. It is so easy to fall in love with someone that way – you are thrown into intimacy within twenty-four hours of meeting.

Jessica Snow Wilson

When you are in rehearsal, you sit really close, and sing in each other’s ear. That afternoon, you are dancing. You are partnering. You’ve got your hands all over each other. The familiarity happens that fast.

Jeff Blumenkrantz

The first rehearsal of a show is a lot like the first day of school. You start looking around the room and checking everyone out. The older you get, the more you start looking for wedding rings. It’s really fun, especially when you are on the road. It is such a playful place.

John Antony

The lines get blurred. When you have to kiss, hug, and be in love with somebody on stage, people easily come to believe that it’s really happening. I don’t fall for that, but I know a lot of people who do.

Sarah Uriarte Berry

And if you’re a straight male? Well, shit, you’re gonna have fun:

Being a straight man in musical theater is an incredible thing. You are surrounded by beautiful women with terrific bodies. You have no competition because everyone else is gay. This is especially true on the road, because people get really lonely and you’re the local rooster. If you are married, like I was, it can cause a lot of problems and frustrations. It was painful at times. I was lonely on the road and wanted companionship. I am a saint, so I didn’t do anything, but it was really difficult.

Adrian Zmed

But don’t think that it’ll be easy, or that people won’t figure it out:

Inevitably, when two people find each other attractive, one of them is always involved with someone else back at home. I have been in that situation. We had to sneak around and hide it from the rest of the cast. People saw it coming from a mile away. There is always some cast member who is up at 3:00 A.M. and sees you walking down the hall, thinking, “He doesn’t live on this floor.” I had a great affair that didn’t require any kind of dating and very little attention, other than sexual. I just wanted to have great sex after the show.

John Antony

The question, of course, is how to be safe, and how to navigate the difficult waters of road relationships, romantic and otherwise. Nobody’s an expert, sadly, but hopefully, this thoughtful advice will provide a possible path forward:

  • Don’t give in to cliquishness. Don’t be afraid to stick to your usual group of friends, but always try and invite others.
  • If/when you finally get tired of everybody’s bullshit, because after a few weeks maybe you won’t want to talk to anybody anymore, you win if you’re a reader. Either bring the e-reader of your choice or lots of books. (But remember you don’t want to bog down your luggage – pick up cheap paperbacks [used books are even better] that you can leave along the way, rather than indulging in heavy, expensive hardbacks or scripts you need to keep carrying with you.) Reading makes travel, especially by plane or train, a snap, and it’ll also make you very popular, as other people will want to borrow your reading material for the same reason.
  • I suppose you think I’m going to advise you to steer clear of “showmances.” Far from it – you’re young, and you’re traveling. Have a little fun. But don’t forget that when the tour is over, this relationship will probably be over, too. So do your best to preserve your feelings and those of the other person involved. As Christiane Noll put it: “I have had my share of road flings. They were very important to me at the time. But they were all doomed because they were born out of this fantasy world. They weren’t real. It’s easy and safe. On my first show, I saw a lot of roadkill. It was really sad and eye-opening.”
  • If you’re married or otherwise seriously committed, and temptation’s almost as strong as your will but you don’t want to slip up, find other ways to help. Adrian Zmed, for example, developed an unusual sideline on the road: “After a while, the women in the show got ornery and things got difficult. They weren’t with their boyfriends or husbands, and there weren’t enough straight guys in the show to satisfy their sexual desires. They had to try to take care of themselves in other ways. I did my best to make sure that just about every girl had a state-of-the-art custom vibrator, which I specifically picked out for them. I’m not kidding. Ask anyone on tour. I became the ‘vibrator master.'”

If all this hasn’t discouraged you, and you think you can take these lessons to heart, you’re ready for the road. Thanks for reading, and break a leg!

Ground Rules and Techniques for Effective Rehearsal

Hello, happy actor people! Today, I address a topic that should be a no-brainer. Honestly, I thought I’d never have to write about this. Some of this is stuff that shouldn’t need to be taught. But I’ve come to discover that rehearsals often go on with flagrant disregard for all of it, especially in a student setting. People, “theater etiquette” ain’t some form of antiquated formality; it’s mostly common sense courtesy. I’d expect any director or member of the creative team who worked on one of my shows to adhere to these rules as well. Learn and obey.

I’ll start, first of all, with a specific list, and then I’ll expand on some of these topics individually. Ready? Here we go!

  1. Don’t participate in potentially dangerous sports or events, as a participant (no team sports) or a spectator (no screaming, cheering loudly, or talking over very loud noise), during the production schedule.
  2. Don’t cut your hair or make other physical changes to yourself during the production schedule unless you have consulted with the director first.
  3. Consistent attendance is a must.
  4. Put the day and your mood aside.
  5. Be punctual.
  6. Prepare and warm up.
  7. No distracting chatter.
  8. Never invite friends or relatives to a rehearsal.
  9. Always report to the stage manager if temporarily leaving the rehearsal space.
  10. Respect — and stay out of the way of — the activity of stagehands and crew members.
  11. Unless otherwise requested, never leave the stage when a scene is being worked on. When the director stops to work with other individuals in a given scene, library calm must be maintained until the action begins again.
  12. Never take unscheduled self-dictated breaks to go to the bathroom, drink water, text, etc.
  13. Never have drinking containers – or other inappropriate objects – littering the acting area.
  14. No missed cues or entrances.
  15. When not needed on stage at a given moment, either sit quietly in the wings or the house and observe all activity, or, at a safe distance from the stage, rehearse scenes when off-stage with other actors not needed on stage at a given moment.
  16. Ask for simple adjustments from fellow actors if needed, but never offer directorial advice unless requested by the director. More to the point, never direct each other, or come close to seeming to be directing a fellow actor.
  17. Make detailed blocking notations in your script, and study them every day.
  18. Do not “perform” at rehearsals.
  19. Realize that the majority of your work on a show happens outside of rehearsal.
  20. Try to have fun with it, no matter how exhausting or arduous the process is.

(I call this “The 20 Commandments of Rehearsal,” because it could have been 10, but actors need a little more supervision, am I right? …tough crowd, tough crowd.)

Some of these don’t need much elaboration; for example, Point 1 should go without saying, especially for those who sing and know what it takes to preserve one’s voice, or who recognize how hard it is to invent character interpretations that explain obvious injury on the fly. Point 5 is another such example; let’s face it, they will start without you if you’re not punctual. Likewise with Point 14, which is also pretty self-explanatory — there won’t be an excuse live, and learning to be prepared is the whole purpose of rehearsal. Point 15 is equally obvious. Points 11, 12, and 13 go to focus on creating the character (as we learned before from the Stanislavskian approach), besides which, in the case of the last, every item left lying around increases the chances of a liability suit when somebody (literally) hits the deck. While we’re talking liability, the same story with Point 9; you’re our responsibility when you’re in rehearsal, and if we don’t know where you are and you get hurt, we get hurt. All of that should be easy to understand.

But the rest, I can afford to be clearer about. So, let’s dive in!

Point 2

The question “Is acting based on looks?” has been legitimately raised since the dawn of the profession. There’s no denying the field is very competitive, and sexy people generally get more work than plain folks, but we’re talking about something different here. Most visual directors have an image in their mind of the character, which they take with them into the casting process. As talented as you are, they might well have cast you based in part on the way you looked at auditions. That’s why it’s inadvisable to make drastic changes to your look without checking with your team.

This especially applies to tattoos when one plays a role where bare skin will be visible – if you didn’t have them before, they shouldn’t be on you now. Save your bad decision and/or birthday present for after the play’s run. An actor needs to be a “blank canvas,” ready to adapt their physical appearance for a large variety of roles. How many characters pre-1990 will appropriately sport body art anyway? Outside of sailors, “gypsies,” and circus freaks, not too many. And this is saying nothing of how many tedious hours it takes in the makeup chair applying body paint to cover them up.

Point 3

Consistent attendance is not an unreasonable expectation. The proposed rehearsal schedule was posted at auditions, and all scheduled conflicts were to be listed on the audition sheet, implying you’d work the play into your schedule, clear your calendar of as many other activities as you could, and make the show your number one priority. A commitment was asked for that is to be taken as seriously as when being hired for a job, especially if acting is your job. The only valid excuse for missing is death, preferably your own or that of a friend or family member. If you’re sick, unless it’s deathly or contagious (in which case, call the team and provide a doctor’s note if/when you return), show up, and it’s up to the director to decide vis-à-vis your dismissal and/or being sent home.

Of course, if your illness is so bad that it prevents you from joining the production process in time, please understand when your part is recast. Don’t take it as a personal slight; it’s necessary for the good of the production. As always, “the show must go on,” even if that means it continues without you.

Point 4

Like Points 12 and 13, this is key to your focus on creating the character. We all have our bad days, and outside circumstances don’t stop existing just because you’re in rehearsal. But take this as an opportunity to channel your emotions toward portraying what the character’s feeling, rather than dwelling on what you’re going through and letting it mess up your work. If you haven’t been dwelling on the negative energy that ruined your day, you might even feel better afterward too.

Point 6

You can’t do your best and leave the rest without honing the muscles you’re using to do it. Generally, especially at an amateur level, there’s a defined period for warm-up at the start of rehearsal, but if it’s not a regular part of the schedule, plan on doing it before you get to work. Preparation ensures proper performance.

And speaking of preparation, it’s here that I’d like to address an actor’s most important instrument: their voice. Even if you’re aided by electronic amplification, if you abuse the key tool available to you (especially if your performance schedule is during cold/flu or allergy season), a time will come when it won’t do what you expect it to do anymore. The general tips that follow are widely known, and the more experienced singers among us can probably throw in some more, but I figure if it helps improve the sound, then it can’t hurt! I’ll start with obvious advice, move toward general techniques, and close with things to look out for.

  • Before even entering production… if you’re serious about becoming a better singer, and this isn’t just your hobby, consider going to a singing teacher or vocal coach who works with professional vocalists. They’ll be able to give you tips about stamina and strength. Potentially expensive, but worth every cent if you go to the right people.
  • First and foremost, once you’re on the clock, I refer you back to Point 1 of these commandments (far) above. It’s not just about overuse of your voice when yelling or speaking loudly; it also puts unnecessary strain on the vocal folds, and at times can damage the voice. And I would further add to avoid speaking at length as well, for much the same reasons.
  • More “don’t”s: no smoking or chewing any products containing tobacco or nicotine; no alcohol or caffeine, which dehydrate and strain the voice (if you feel you can’t cut them out completely, then drink one glass of water for each cup of coffee/soda or liquor); and try to avoid being around any chemicals or inhaled heat (can create uncool inflammation and swelling).
  • In the “do” column: Water is your friend. Drink as much as you can; it lubricates the vocal folds.
  • Vocal warm-ups are important. Remember, the voice is a muscle, and you have to train it, gently, to do what it’s being asked to do. Consider a heavy amount of singing like lifting weights at the gym; if you try and lift the heaviest weight first thing in the morning without working up to it or warming up, you could hurt yourself. So pace yourself, and warm up, at length. Neck and shoulder stretches, hums, gliding from low to high tones using different vowel sounds… open up the pipes to allow for flow, if you know what I mean.
  • Equally important are vocal cool-downs. This makes logical sense even if you’ve never heard of it; if you “warm up” to get ready, you’ve got to “cool down” when you’re done. Light humming in the car on the way home, singing through a straw (it sounds weird, but people say it works), or soft sirens on an “oo” vowel, will help relax the voice.
  • The big keys of rehearsal: less breath when singing, and don’t force it. I’ll explain. In the case of the former, it’s admittedly easier said than done, but too much breath over the vocal folds, like shouting, forcing for the notes, or grunting, will dry them out quickly and damage them. Do the rehearsals in half voice or use more falsetto when marking out songs, and if you’re rehearsing tough material over an extended period, choose certain days/rehearsals to use the full range. For the same reason, when I say “don’t force it,” what I mean is if you aren’t “feeling it” vocally, resist the urge to over-compensate. It’s important to rest your voice as much as possible.
  • Now, a quick word about physical issues. Do you have, or have you ever had, acid reflux? Acids backing up from the stomach into the throat can damage the vocal folds. Consult a specialist if you notice any of the following: frequent heartburn, a bad taste in your mouth in the morning, frequent bloating or burping, a lump in the back of your throat, and frequent hoarseness.
  • Continuing on that track, if you have a cough or mild sore throat, avoid frequent throat clearing and harsh coughing; sipping water + nursing cough drops = some relief. (If you need to bring in the big guns, Fisherman’s Friend cough drops are equally a singer’s best friend. Pavarotti used them [as well as another, of an even stronger formula, not available in the U.S.]. They can raise your voice from the dead and get you through a taxing performance or recording session. No joke!)
  • And last but not least, let’s talk about getting your head in the game. Famous baseball player Yogi Berra once said, “90% of the game is half-mental.” While this malapropism is certainly worth a laugh, it’s sort of true when it comes to singing. Don’t worry about your singing, or you’ll get stressed out, and stress hurts your voice. Example: a friend accepted a demanding role in a big musical last summer, his first after a year-long hiatus due to vocal damage. Imagine how stressful that must’ve been! Naturally, the only thing he could think about was his voice — in rehearsal, during the performance schedule, day of the show, during the show, voice voice voice. Predictably enough, he lost his voice several times; even after a week off, it’d disappear when he needed it, or sometimes he’d be doing great during a show and then lose it mid-way. It wasn’t pleasant, and he beat himself up a lot. Shortly thereafter, he was cast in another show, in a role that required much higher singing but happened to be smaller. The role was small enough — and he was disheartened enough after the last gig, expecting the worst — that he didn’t give thought to how his voice was doing at all. Sure enough, his voice didn’t fail him once that time around. My point? The less you think about what you’re doing, the better off you’ll be. If you are concerned about how you’re doing, talk to the musical director; unless they directly contradict something your singing teacher or vocal coach taught you that works, they’re the ideal source of advice. Also, remember that they’re working with you because they have faith in you, so you should have faith in yourself. The responsibility of maintaining the score’s sound rests on their shoulders, and they wouldn’t be working with you if they didn’t trust you to be the singer they wanted.

Point 7

That Stanislavskian focus again! Once the work is on and the warm-up period is through, refuse to get involved in an extraneous conversation, be it with fellow actors, with someone on your cell phone, etc. Talking off-stage, even in a whisper, can be very disruptive and does serious damage to the focus needed by those working on-stage. If you must have a conversation when you aren’t working on-stage, take it outside the rehearsal hall.

Point 8

Continuing with that point: a rehearsal should be the private work of actors and directors in an atmosphere free from all distractions. Explain the situation to the person concerned; if it’s really important to them that they see the work-in-progress, try calling ahead of time to explain the situation and see if an exception can be made. Do not just bring them unannounced.

Point 10

In the words of “Corner of the Sky” from Pippin, “Everything has its season, everything has its time…” We have our jobs, and the techies have theirs. It’s their job to make sure the show runs like clockwork. That means if they’re doing something important, don’t distract them and don’t get in the way. Moving set-pieces quickly prove to make bad companions.

Point 16

There’s a modern tendency in actors, amateurs especially, to not understand the director’s role as a leader. There must be a single mind guiding the artistic choices in every department of production – that of the director. That’s why Point 16 is particularly important; it’s very bad theater etiquette to assume your director wants you to offer unsolicited ideas. If someone tries to give you notes, even if they make sense, say, “Thank you, but I only take direction from the director.” If they persist in giving you notes, a private conference with the director about the problem is in order.

Point 17

I can’t tell you how often I’ve seen time wasted at rehearsals trying to reconstruct blocking from earlier in the process. Does no one take notes anymore? A stitch in time saves nine, after all. “But it’s only going to change later!” Duh. That’s why you use pencil; yes, it may be frustrating if the director changes blocking a lot, but that’s what the eraser’s for – helping you make accurate notes about the changes made. As in all things, the director must be allowed to change their mind as much as the creative process allows them to.

Point 18

I get it. Actors need to please; in some, it’s practically a neurosis. Here’s the thing, though: the desire to “succeed” steals the chance to do honest exploration. Let go of the need to please your director. Good performances are never arrived at by pleasing anyone but yourself and your understanding of how to communicate with an audience. (In a musical, part of achieving this aim means to stop trying to sound like cast recordings. This article makes the point perfectly, and it doesn’t bear re-stating in my own words, so I’ll simply say that if you’re a performer in musical theater reading this blog and there’s only one thing you’ll take away from reading it, try to make it this.)

Point 19

If you’re not working on the show outside the rehearsal hall, your performance will suffer. It’s like not doing homework, as much as it can be a pain in the ass; if you don’t practice what you’ve learned, it won’t stick. The time a cast and director work together is to hone the work brought to the rehearsal. Speaking of that work, it’s time for…

A brief digression re: technique

Script analysis is key for any performer attempting a part, as I’ve covered in a previous post. (Again, I was never knocking “the method,” merely improper use of it.) But actors sometimes miss a key element; once I learned about this, and processed what it meant, I realized it should be a no-brainer, but believe it or not, it’s rare to hear pros admit this is part of their toolkit, which is a pity because it should be standard for every actor, director, or even designer. It opens so many doors of perception when working on a musical, be it original or revival.

This advice boils down to three deceptively simple words: read the lyrics. “That’s it?” you say. “Read the lyrics? Shit, I’m already ten steps ahead of you just by following along in the booklet (or online, these days) when I’m listening to a cast recording.” Hang on, I’m goin’ someplace; as I said, this advice is deceptively simple.

You might know by now that I’m a huge fan of the Andrew Lloyd Webber/Tim Rice rock opera Jesus Christ Superstar, and if you’re familiar with the show itself at all, you might know that many of its huge fans don’t hold a special place in their hearts for the 2000 direct-to-video remake produced by Webber and directed by Gale Edwards. The talent is spotty, the production concept in terms of design fails to be a unified whole, and it’s generally an emasculated version of the show I know and love. But… I got something useful out of their description of the production process.

In the making-of featurette, Edwards described how she approached the show as she would a Shakespearean play, and in a separate article on the subject, she discussed a method she employed that helped the actors clarify their approach: she had them read the lyrics as though they were dialogue. Now, especially in the case of JCS, this sounds pretty stupid in theory, and I’m sure the performers felt silly at first in practice, but then I thought about what that accomplishes.

Reading the lyrics as dialogue, as though this were a straight play, strips away the distractions of melody and hitting the note, and allows one to focus on the meaning behind the lyric, why these words are being said (and later, when the music is re-added, sung; there has to be a reason for the path the vocal melody takes, it has to come from somewhere, from emotion, not just because that’s how it’s written), and how the character’s feelings are reflected in what’s being said (sung), which is useful if you’re ever in doubt about how to play a song as a scene. It’s inspiring, and it can lead to new realizations about the role or even just a specific moment. (I should add here that the quality of the lyrics in question doesn’t matter. They could be supremely literate, or drivel devised with the help of a cigar-box guitar and an arranger who wrote it all down. The technique works regardless.)

It also helps in other ways. For example, if it’s a particularly complicated lyric involving a lot of rhymes or tongue-twisters, it helps the cast with developing a rhythm and memorizing the lyric. (That’s often the difference between merely singing words and notes, and singing lyrics and phrases.) For directors, be it revival or original, the technique also brings weak performers to the fore, revealing who needs the most work. If they were picked for a different reason than their acting, such as singing or dancing, this will become the moment when everyone learns what they’re capable of, and figures out which wheat will grow beautifully and which chaff will need a little more attention.

Last but not least, in an original (new) musical that will benefit as much from an actor’s input as the author’s, it’s also an effective way to figure out if a song works or not for a given moment in the show. If the performer has enough understanding to figure out what the character’s feeling and doesn’t need to be spoon-fed by a territorial author, but they can’t figure out how to play the lyrics, that’s the cue for the writer to go back to the drawing board. If you’re the only one who understands it on the team, how can you expect an audience to get it? Without the distraction of the melody, you’re not hung up on “But it’s a great song!” or other similar objections. You know what doesn’t work, and you know what to fix.

If you don’t believe me, take it from no less a personage than Tony Award nominee Adam Pascal: “When I first learn a song, I don’t look at the music. I take all of the lyrics and I read them, so I know exactly who I am, where I am, and why I am. Then, when I approach the music, I’m more intelligent with my choices. I sing the notes, but I connect them with the story. I tell the story.”

Anyway, let’s get back to the task at hand and wrap this up with…

Point 20

As Prince wrote in his immortal classic “Nothing Compares 2 U,” you’ve got to “try to have fun no matter what you do.” It’s a grind, no one’s denying it. But the secret of creating good, effective theater is that the hard work involved is the fun of doing a play. If you manage to process, absorb, and incorporate that into your line of thinking, you’ve got it made.


Coming up next: tips for the first-time touring performer, and at least one more episode of “For Your Consideration” before my dissection of the acting process is over. Stay tuned!

Audition Advice

Hello, actors and actresses alike! I’m back with some more pertinent recommendations for all of y’all. Today, we enter the wide world of auditions. Recently, when assisting with an open call via the wonderful resource known as Backstage, I encountered a couple of things from virtual submissions that I thought needed addressing in the working acting world at large, purely from the casting / auditioning side of the street.

Auditioning isn’t a science or a game you can ace if you follow all the rules and get the steps just right (although what I say below can only help). It’s a trial by fire. Auditioning makes you feel like you’re going to trip and fall, and on the way down, people are going to trample on your feelings and reject you. Unless you have rhinoceros skin, auditioning can crush the life out of you. It’s soul-destroying; you have to be very, very tough. I don’t say this to discourage you. I’m telling you the truth about how damn hard it is to get ahead in the business. But if you’re reading this, it probably doesn’t matter to you. You’re probably so powerfully motivated that you’ll do it anyway. You’re burning with that hot flame to be an actor, and you’ve got the talent to make your mark, or at least you think you do. So here’s how you audition.

Making Your Submission

  • Let’s say you’re a nondescript young male actor, and you submit an acting reel of some sort – video auditions, in the form of reels meant to showcase your skills via representative samples, are all the rage these days – in which you appear with three other young nondescript males who, generally speaking, all look alike. You must either identify which one is you or not submit this kind of reel, to begin with. If we can’t tell which one’s you without written instructions, you’re probably not distinctive enough as a talent to get the job.
  • While I’m on the subject of reels… I recently saw one from an established performer (Hollywood credits, even) that was frankly awful. I was asked whether or not we should use him for a show, and I had to tell my colleagues that the way the reel was put together, I could barely determine if this guy could act. He claimed agility in many fields, but I didn’t see it on display. Here’s an example: he included stand-up comedy in his résumé, but in the reel, we saw a two-or-three-second clip of him greeting an applauding crowd in a club… and that was it. The entirety of the stand-up section of the reel was him saying hi, and the audience greeting him with the standard reception. Hell, to get a clip like that, in theory, all I’d need to be is the announcer for a more popular act. It didn’t give the impression that he knew shit about stand-up comedy. If you are claiming a skill, your reel had better actually display that skill. Capisce? (And if editing ain’t your strong suit, and you might be prone to the same mistake to get your reel to some popularly recommended length, for the love of God let someone else put together your damn reel.)
  • Last but not least, it’s time someone told you the unvarnished truth about résumés and headshots. Namely, résumés and headshots are only for filing, and “the perfect headshot” is a gimmick designed to generate work for photographers hoping to maintain job opportunities. The most important thing about a “perfect headshot” is this: so that it can be properly filed, it must look like you. Not better, not worse – it’s got to look like you. If the picture’s inaccurate in any way, it pisses people off because they don’t know it’s you, and the picture’s only purpose is for filing, so don’t splurge on the “deluxe treatment” package or do any editing yourself to take out the flaws (or add them, depending on the role). As for who takes the picture, don’t waste your money on professional photographers. They charge an arm and a leg for an outdated service when you have the technology. Don’t believe me? Let me ask you this: have you got a smartphone or a good digital camera? Great. Do you have a friend you know who takes good pictures? Have them snap a bunch of you – maybe, oh, 200 or so. (Hey, I didn’t say it’d be easy; besides, you’ll want to have a wide variety that captures your capacity for expression anyway.) Out of those, I promise there will be at least 4 that will be good and accurate, guaranteed.

At the Audition

  • Before you audition, do your homework if the style is wholly unfamiliar to you. Never been in a rock musical before? Check out some YouTube clips of the show you’re trying out for, or buy a book like Rock the Audition by Sheri Sanders. Never done a (for lack of a better term) “conventional” Broadway musical? Listen to the score thoroughly, and absorb other shows from that time or by that composer. They don’t have to know that you were once unfamiliar with the style. That’s part of convincing them you’re right for the job.
  • When choosing material, don’t make the job harder for you or anyone involved when you reach the pivotal moment. Your audition pianist is trying to sight-read what you’re asking them to play. If you hand them something ridiculously complex, it’s putting both you and them at a disadvantage. Don’t do something by a composer like Jason Robert Brown or Stephen Sondheim that isn’t easy to immediately pick up. Even if it’s a Brown or Sondheim show, pick something in a similar style that’ll work for the audition. (A good match for Sondheim, for example, is usually Adam Guettel.)
  • Don’t be afraid of obscurities. If no one’s heard of the number you chose, or at least hasn’t heard it in a long time, that’s more likely to stick with them. Don’t be afraid to search for something that isn’t well-known, because that’s a number you can truly turn into a personal showcase. If a show is brand new, like just-closed, material from it might still be obscure enough to fit this rule, but by and large, aim for obscurities that have been around a while.
  • The material must be appropriate to the performer, so adapt it to suit your needs. By which I mean, among other things: sing something in your age range. For example, if you’re 16 and start singing about divorce from any point of view other than the child of divorced parents, it will not only look extremely odd but may come across as mawkish and insincere. Don’t aim for an unrealistic target. But other than making sure what you sing fits what they see, the sky can be the limit. If you want to do a song normally performed by a character of another gender, because it really suits the character you’re trying out for and will sell you well, go right ahead. You can always change the pronoun if necessary. (Some people frown on that; I say do whatever you think will get the role.) If you think you’ll do the song as well or better in another key, find someone to help you transpose it.
  • The material must be appropriate for the show you’re auditioning for. You don’t audition for My Fair Lady with something from Grease. Choose your material wisely, with attention to the show’s musical style and content. I don’t care how good you are at the song, or how many roles it’s gotten you: if you don’t do something in the show’s style, you’re showing me you’re great at another kind of role, not showing me what you could do for this show. If you’re auditioning for a rock musical, do something rock, be it from a jukebox musical or otherwise. If the show is by R&H or Cole Porter, do one by them. Don’t shy away from that. As long as it’s good, shows you off well, and fits the show, great. (This doesn’t always mean picking a song by the same composer. For example, not everything Stephen Schwartz wrote sounds like Wicked. Go for a similar style more-so than the same composer.)
  • The material must complement the character you’re auditioning for. To give a handy example, if you’re auditioning for, say, Rose in Dogfight, you want something with a more innocent touch than “Dead Girl Walking” from Heathers. That song wouldn’t make much sense. Pick a song from a character in a similar situation or with a similar frame of mind to the character you’re trying out for.
  • Don’t overplay your hand. If you belt and the song you chose has a big belt moment, only belt at the big belt moment. If it’s a number designed to show off your comedic skills, strike an even balance between going for the laugh and going for the note (it will take practice).
  • Have more than one choice in mind. This helps you avoid the “99 other people sang my song!!” issue. Prepare more than one number (or section of a number, if they only ask for a set amount like 16 to 32 bars), and ask other people what they’re singing. If the song you chose is on everyone’s lips, switch to Option B or C. The creative team who are tired of hearing that song will thank you. No one cares if you’ve “made the song your own” if they’ve already heard it a dozen times that day; sad but true. There are only so many twists you can add on your own.
  • If actors only want to accept a particular role, they can make that note on their audition sheet. I don’t care for actors narrowing their interest to a single role, indeed I doubt anyone would, but it’s a legitimate thing for experienced actors to do in certain settings. If you don’t do it, however, and you got a role but it’s not the one you hoped for, you have two options: suck it up and accept it, or walk. Well, make that one option. You can choose the latter, but remember that there’s always competition for roles, and your reputation for either good or bad behavior will weigh in on future casting decisions. After all, people talk to people. Only make that decision if you feel you really, truly aren’t a fit.

After the Audition

  • Casting doesn’t end at auditions. If there are good candidates for roles who couldn’t attend the day(s) of auditions, why should they be out of the running? There’s great talent out there. While the actors who show up for auditions may disagree, their mere presence shouldn’t give them precedence over others who couldn’t make it. Some performers may cry, “No fair!” But the only “fair” approach to any aspect of mounting a production is to assure the best show possible, and the main ingredient for a solid show is a solid cast. A director needs to use every resource available to recruit potential actors and to assure the best cast possible, especially if a performer who has been cast is not living up to their many responsibilities and needs to be replaced. (While I’m on that subject… unless you can prove beyond a doubt that your replacement is the result of discrimination against you or other shady circumstances, replacing actors is a legitimate choice, so don’t attempt to stir up drama about your dismissal. If the unfortunate situation occurs where it’s best for the show to replace an actor, for any legitimate reason, then it must be done. Unless you can prove illegitimacy, all you’re setting yourself up for, should you complain, is the end of your career.)
  • Not getting the role doesn’t mean you’re a bad performer. Actors need to remember that their talents may not always have an impact on whether or not they get the part. Michael Shurtleff, renowned casting director for Broadway shows like Chicago and Becket and films like The Graduate, gave a legendary course on auditioning that launched hundreds of successful careers. When it came time for a book deal, there was only one thing Mr. Shurtleff could write about, and sure enough, Audition, his legendary book on the casting process for young and upcoming actors, has served as the all-important “how” for all aspiring actors, from the beginning student of acting to the proven talent trying out for that chance-in-a-million role. In his book, he puts it succinctly: “…actors must not worry about why they don’t get a role; they should only concern themselves with doing the best damn audition they know how to do. […] Many times I have heard directors say about an actor: ‘That is the best audition we’ll ever see of that role. Too bad we can’t cast him.’ Their regret is genuine. But there has to be a balance in casting – the parts must fit like a jigsaw puzzle – and there are times when the best auditioners don’t ‘fit.’ An actor cannot concern himself with that; there lies madness. Just go ahead and audition well, cry a little when you don’t get the role you want, but never ask why. The why is usually a series of imponderables over which the actor has no control.”

I feel like maybe that last bullet point didn’t illustrate things enough for some of you. Luckily, Mr. Shurtleff had a handy story from his days casting the original touring concert companies, Broadway stage version, and film of Jesus Christ Superstar to illustrate the answer to the question “Why didn’t you get the role?” I reproduce that excerpt below for the same purpose. Bracketed insertions for context are mine.

The girl who gave the most exciting auditions (she did three of them) for the role of Mary Magdalene in Superstar was Bette Midler, already a celebrity at this time. Bette had taken my class on how to audition when she was in Fiddler on the Roof, playing a small role. She was extraordinary even then, and memorable, but she was disheartened at that time by her long tenure hidden among the supporting players of Fiddler. She felt she deserved leads. She was right.

Bette Midler sang “I Don’t Know How to Love Him” like no one else: disillusioned, hurt, vulnerable, with the pain of a Mary Magdalene who had been made to believe again after she was determined not to because of the hurts she had experienced. Tom O’Horgan [the director] adored her and was strongly tempted (even though [Robert] Stigwood [the producer] and the writers [Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber] were always in favor of the woman who had done the record, Yvonne Elliman), but eventually, I think, he realized this mature, voluptuous, womanly interpretation of the role would not fit in with his cast of hippies and flower children. He couldn’t quite let her go, though. I was asked to bring her into the theater to wait for Mr. Stigwood to arrive. “Miss Midler,” I said, “if you would be so kind…” And without acknowledging our previous association with each other, I led her to her seat. En route she whispered to me, “Don’t give me away,” and I didn’t, for I realized a superlative performance of a celebrity star was being given to surround the audition itself. She was regal and mysterious, this Mary Magdalene, and she revealed not an ounce of the marvelous honky-tonk performer she was to be in her one-woman shows.

[…] Midler did brilliant auditions for Superstar, but she was not cast because it would have disrupted the casting of the rest of the show.

Michael Shurtleff, Audition

You read correctly, folks: on the cusp of her nightclub success that catapulted her to fame, Bette fucking Midler got turned down for the hottest ticket in town, Jesus Christ Superstar. And… it wasn’t her fault. And… it sure the hell wasn’t the last we heard of Bette Midler, was it?

Sometimes you’re not what they’re looking for. But sometimes, they don’t have a choice. So hold your head up.

Danger, Will Robinson!

At this point, I’d like to take a moment to address a fast-growing, pervasive issue in today’s entertainment industry: the “pay to play” scheme. I was recently made aware of this when a colleague and I tussled with a New York “creative” (if you could call him that) engaging in this sort of snake oil salesmanship. A surprising amount of performers were taken in by this guy. Thus, it seems appropriate to address it here, as it’s certainly better to recognize it when auditioning than after you’ve landed the role.

There’s no way to ease into this, so I’m just going to say it straight out: If you are ever asked to pay dues or a fee to act in a production, walk the other way. It’s always a scam, a ripoff, and a fraud. There are no exceptions to this rule.

Now, for all my harsh talk about acting classes, let me be clear: this doesn’t apply to them. Getting substantial professional theatrical training at a college or university, with pros who have expert/educational credentials and academic degrees to back up their words, and appearing in a show while at school, is not the same as paying to act. That’s training, not an employment opportunity. (Unless they tell you they’re a school and a professional production company all at once; in that case, beware, as this duality of roles is uncommon and likely illegal.) I’m talking strictly about responding to a casting call and being told there’s a chance for remunerated work, pending a successful production, but you’ll need to pay dues or a fee to act in anything emanating from this company.

Ask yourself: would you have to pay to work in any other profession? Make no mistake, that’s what acting is, in a business sense. Acting is work, and by law, you’re supposed to be compensated for your labor. On occasion, because of professional show business contingencies, actors will act for free, which is a very substantial contribution to any production, but to pay to act, especially in such circumstances, is obscene. It’s nothing more than an attempt to scam money from actors by nefarious means. There are no exceptions ever. These people will do or say anything to get your money.

If you don’t believe me, ask other professionals! Go to AEA or SAG-AFTRA, your professors, your mentors, even lawyers; show them the ad that lured you in, and tell them you’ve been asked for money. No legitimate professional, union, or expert will ever tell you an operation like this is on the up and up. Never, ever.


That wraps up this installment. Tune in a couple of days from now as we move out of auditions and into rehearsals!

Acting 101 (For Broke People)

Hello, everybody! First of all, my profound apologies for not getting back to this topic sooner; my side gig (more about that at the end of my “About the Author” page) and having some Pride fun in my home state sidetracked me. But I’m back, and I’m ready to talk about something that’s been nagging at me for some time: practical advice for actors, starting with a no-nonsense approach to the profession itself. So, you wanna save money on acting classes? You’ve come to the right place. Pull up a chair.

Don’t Be Fooled

Ever looked into an acting class, and seen just how many there were for different types of acting? Look up ads for acting classes; you’ll come across workshops and learning opportunities that run the gamut from stage acting to film acting, from sitcom acting to commercial acting. It creates the illusion of many different kinds of acting; it’s enough to, in the words of Oliver Stone’s JFK, “confuse the eye and confound the understanding.”

Let me dispel the myth: there’s only one kind of acting in existence, and it’s called… drum-roll please… acting. These teachers, especially in America, primarily make bank by convincing people that they have something to teach. They need you to believe there’s some secret that you aren’t in on unless you pay hundreds for a workshop to learn about it. The only thing you’ll ultimately learn, same as from this free post, is that acting is behaving as if what’s in the script is happening to you. That’s it, boiled down to the barest essentials. It doesn’t ultimately matter to an audience how you got there, as long as you’re convincing and/or entertaining, preferably both.

“What? It’s got to be more complicated than that.” Only if you make it that way. But fine. I sense some hostility from those who paid good money for these workshops and courses and don’t take kindly to being told that they wasted their hard-earned pay, and it’s important to address that. So let me break down what’s wrong with most of these classes.

“Be Real”? Get Real!

One thing today’s acting classes seem to have in common, aside from over-emphasizing the use of “the method” (I’m getting to that, don’t worry), is teaching it to actors in a manner that’s false in many ways. For example, one of the most commonly used buzzwords or phrases in classes like these is when the teacher asks the actor to just “be real,” or to “be yourself.” Not all characters are you (more about this in a moment), so how could simply asking someone to be real and bring the reality of their own life to the part possibly be the main objective of acting? The answer is, it’s not. It’s a snake oil scheme to make money selling acting lessons.

Think about it. If a teacher bases their class enrollment on talent and/or reasoned likelihood of success, if it’s rooted in the reality of the acting profession (of any field, really), their class will be very small. How does that pay their rent or put food on the table? But broaden the criteria, and say the goal is to “be real”? They’ve just set a requirement anyone can fulfill; I mean, we’re all real. We’re not cobbled together from aluminum foil and glue (in a literal sense, at least). Everyone, even somebody with the most superficial “front” in humankind, is real. If a trait every human being possesses is the only qualification, they can sell acting lessons to anyone they want, even if they haven’t any talent. (Not what I call talent! Talent for the deaf, dumb, and blind, maybe! …sorry, where was I…) And then they tell you, “Oh yes, you’ve done well, you’re so much more real. But you can get even more real if you take another thousand-dollar class.” Sound fishy to you yet?

Reality is boring. It’s repetitive and mundane. The reality of the stage and screen, on the other hand, is curated; it’s carefully selected, edited, and shaped, by writers, directors, designers, etc., to be exciting (yes, even in “reality” television; you haven’t seen the hundreds of hours of raw footage on the cutting room floor, and believe me, you’ll never want to). Reality is twenty-four hours a day; the scale of time on stage or screen is different, usually about two hours. If all you do is “be real,” you’re not doing your job.

Other Venial Sins of the Acting Class

Speaking of getting real as opposed to “being real,” let’s talk about another harsh truth: acting classes in themselves are a useless, false environment that doesn’t prepare you for the reality of acting. If you’re very, very young (I mean that, by the way; if you’re 21+, your brain’s developed enough that you can learn what you need to learn like everyone else, and I’ll get to that shortly) and need to learn the absolute basics, sure, sign up. But once you’ve learned that, any other acting class is inadequate preparation at best and setting you up for failure at worst.

Don’t believe me? Let me ask you this: if acting class prepares you for the reality of acting, how come your audience is always and only, with very rare exceptions, the same classmates that show up week after week? That’s hardly preparation for the reality of a random and fresh audience every time.

I’ll give you another example: many American students – and teachers – treat the class as though it was a form of psychotherapy. Explain to me how that’s meant to be useful. To quote a colleague who was younger than me in the final days of the great American acting teachers and caught the last of them, “I had several acting teachers who practiced pseudo-psychology on us as young people, many of whom are dead, and who I would gladly dig up and kill again because of it.”

And that’s assuming the teacher knows what they’re doing aside from that. In my college days at CCRI, I met and bonded with a talented woman who’s explored many avenues throughout her ongoing academic career, acting being one (she has a natural artistic flair), and she kvetched to me one day when discussing the business about how a teacher had turned her off of acting forever. We grew up in the same city, and I’ve known her most of my life; if ever there was a natural, in every sense of the word, for performing, this girl was it. There was no question of stage fright, even though she attended a high school in our area that was probably the roughest audience anyone could face; hell, she seemed (and still seems) practically fearless in the face of many life struggles she’s endured. But one teacher changed everything, and unfortunately, this wasn’t one of those positive “Hallmark movie” changes.

When she went to school, in hopes of honing her craft, she took a course in stage acting with a professor who was the worst thing she could encounter: a frustrated Hollywood hopeful. The one minor difference between stage and film acting is that stage acting involves “projecting” (physically and metaphorically) your performance outward to an audience, you’re playing for anywhere from 1 to 10 rows beyond the “fourth wall,” whereas film calls for subtler, more introspective, “small” acting due to its “up close,” personal nature. This instructor ignored that difference, teaching them essentially how to act for the camera instead of cheating out. More than that, he dealt very abrasively with his students, which left a massive negative impact. (Some folks can be ball-busters — that’s part and parcel of the business — but there’s a very thin line in entertainment between constructive criticism and bullying, and my experience with acting teachers has largely leaned toward the latter.)

My friend, who’s bravely handled situations that would stagger the mind of the strongest individual, left that course afraid to get up in front of other classes to give oral reports or speak for even a few minutes about a topic (i.e., ask questions, etc.) from her seat. Is that the kind of help an acting class is meant to offer? Oh no, wait, they also engage in peddling that most obscuring of exercises: “the method.” For those who haven’t caught up with the rest of us, I shall endeavor to explain.

“The Method,” Improperly Applied

Various acting styles have been developed throughout theater history, from the classical era in Greece to the modern day of multimedia acting, incorporating the stage, screen, and television. But as I said above, all acting boils down to the same thing; the only difference is how real it looks. And before it becomes clouded by method or colored by technique, acting is just a simulation, playing pretend for money. The performer conceptualizes the character they portray as a conveyance, not necessarily a naturalistic or realistic depiction of a person one might encounter in life. Let’s say you’re supposed to be playing sadness, but you’re not sad; pose, put on a facial expression, and convey the emotion without necessarily feeling it in reality. That’s just basic acting, right?

Before the dawn of films and TV, there was only the stage, so simply pretending was coupled with adapting to the characteristics of that environment. For example, audience members were often distant from the action, so to hammer home the point, one had to emphasize physical expression and projection of a character, orating with declamatory force, designed to be “read” even from the back row. This required thorough speech/movement training. Over time, through the long history of stage acting (and live performances of music and dance), this was honed into a highly formal style, specific brands of which became very popular.

For example, a French actor/opera singer/teacher named François Delsarte believed a character’s emotional state could be projected to the audience through a formal set of gestures, postures, and physical attitudes. His ideas formed the basis for the 1885 book The Delsarte System of Expression, by a student (of a student) named Genevieve Stebbins, and went on to be used at the end of the 19th century in actor training programs at the American Academy of Dramatic Arts and Emerson’s School of Oratory. Though his method was reportedly meant to help its user connect their inner emotional experience with the use of gesture and was only formalized into a system by later disciples, the study allegedly regressed as it grew in popularity and ubiquity into empty posing with little emotional truth behind it. (You can see this formal, conventional, often melodramatic style in silent films like the Lon Chaney Phantom of the Opera, and its influence can still be felt in American modern dance today.)

Enter an actor/director named Konstantin Stanislavski, who noticed in his work at the Moscow Art Theatre that some actors connected better with the audience than others. He decided to figure out why, and for better or worse, we’ve been dealing with the results ever since. What Stanislavski learned from his performers was that they weren’t just recreating the external signs of the character’s emotions without becoming emotionally involved (later known as the “mechanical” approach). Some were doing internal work (later known as the “psychological” approach), becoming personally involved with the character and letting it “grow from within them.” Rather than merely impersonating the character developed by the playwright in a dramatic presentation, they seemed — by comparison — to be turning the character into a living, breathing human being.

He felt that when an actor truly experienced what the character was living (under imaginary circumstances), the play’s many layers of meaning would be revealed in a way that rid it of cliches. He contended this method of acting was more effective than illustration or indication of emotion by calculated poses and tricks of voice and gesture. If the actor believed in imaginary circumstances, revealing the subtleties of the text by truthful action rather than rhetoric, the audience would see things in the play that were hidden previously by poor or lazy acting.

Stanislavski’s method has been expanded into several variant present forms, such as the Lee Strasberg, Stella Adler, and Sanford Meisner techniques (some or all of which are heavily pushed by the Actors Studio in NYC), Michael Chekhov’s “psycho-physical approach,” and the David Mamet / William H. Macy-conceived “Practical Aesthetics,” and the antithetical Brechtian Method has been developed in response (an “epic drama” style relying on the audience’s reflective detachment rather than emotional involvement), but the original seven steps of the Stanislavskian approach were as follows:

  1. The actor needs a trained body (a physical instrument sensitized to respond appropriately to the emotional or attitudinal changes within one’s character) and voice (the ability to control one’s instrument and produce volume and/or change timbre, resonance, or pitch without injury).
  2. They must know “stage technique,” the skill necessary to adapt everyday life to stage conventions. (There are techniques for walking, opening a door, sitting in a chair, firing a gun, eating food, etc.)
  3. They must be a skilled observer of life, one’s primary research tool, and be able to recall what they observe, the better to build a character from their observations. This may involve emotional recall — the ability to recall an experience and relive it onstage — and asking oneself the question “If I was this character, what would I do?”
  4. They must analyze the script to determine their character’s motivation (the major goal or objective, the internal force which drives the character’s choices). Most importantly, they must find the subtext behind the text (i.e., the meaning behind the lines written by the playwright, the “action” which is implied rather than stated).
  5. They should become emotionally involved with the character they’re creating onstage, immersed at a level that allows them to make choices, rather than respond in a way predetermined either by themselves or by their director and makes them respectful of the choices made by the other actors in the ensemble.
  6. They must concentrate on the character they’re creating, pushing everything else out of their mind. It is the actor’s concentration that makes it possible to ignore everything else that is happening on stage and focus their attention on creating the character.
  7. They must continually work on perfecting their art and craft.

The overall goal, as you might’ve guessed, is for the individual performer to identify and internalize the character they portray to better discover the reasoning behind that character’s actions and mindset, and to draw on recognizable human traits, personal experiences, and emotions that’d cause an audience member to (hopefully) identify with the character, to create a convincing performance. Returning to the example I used earlier for basic unemotionally involved acting, the actor using “the method” might rely on “stimulation” through techniques like “sense memory” to truly generate the emotion that the character is feeling; if they’re genuinely sad, then the desired pose or facial expression will appear more or less naturally from that.

So, how well is “the method” passed down by its present adherents? In my opinion and experience, in American acting classes today, step 3 is loosely encouraged, albeit in a rather adulterated form, and steps 4-7 are gospel (though the last is more or less a necessity of the profession, and steps 4 and 5 are taken to extremes by some who, when playing real historical figures, do in-depth research to “become” the character, to develop the mindset and emotional reactions they think the person would’ve had), but 1 and 2 are frequently ignored, to a stage actor’s detriment.

This deficiency isn’t helped by endless acting coaches who make loot touting specific techniques, saying such-and-such delivers the best results and should be used to the exclusion of all others. Conflict, of course, breeds conflict, with each respective technique having its set of proponents who thinks other styles are bogus. Like any good rivalry, people rooting for either side even go so far as to draw lines in the sand.

Well, I’ve already had a fair amount to say about most acting coaches, and the hidden motives behind classes that stress “the method,” but let me get one thing straight: flawed as it can be, I’m not against method acting. I’m against relying solely on method acting, because a) most of the “immersive” stuff required of you doesn’t factor into your performance in a noticeable way, and b) using the internal technique — and anything related — to the exclusion of the mechanical never happens in real-time. (Search your feelings; you know this to be true.)

The Usefulness of “Sense Memory” and Field Work

Some who preach “the method” (Lee Strasberg, during his lifetime, was a good example) insist “sense memory” involves finitely recalling — and using — past emotion to inform your performance. They might even argue your character research can back up these emotional impulses. But there’s a limit.

Tell me: have you experienced everything in the world that there is to experience? Impossible, right? Being worldly — or even world-weary — is one thing, but you’d have to live a million lifetimes to experience every possible milestone, emotional or otherwise, that there is to experience in life. You have never experienced — and will never experience — everything. Maybe sometimes you’ll internalize something you’ve seen (like when you see a movie that’s so effective and absorbing you walk out thinking and feeling in its rhythm like you were a part of it), but, not to unduly introduce reality to things, that’s about as far as most performers can stretch.

On a related note, research ain’t the equivalent of a time machine. No amount of homework will take you back to Roman-occupied Jerusalem or the streets of New York in the 1950s and put you in that situation, and even if it did, drawing on a time when you were experiencing a vaguely similar emotion doesn’t guarantee you’re accurately portraying the character’s emotional reaction to circumstance. Let’s give that latter example some thought: you can learn enough to be a qualified expert on juvenile delinquency in Fifties New York, but it won’t prepare you for Arthur Laurents’ patronizing, woefully dated, often naive view of these youngsters in West Side Story. (He occasionally grasped at truth, but as is frequently pointed out about the sharp contrast of the 1961 film’s “theatrical” style with reality, he wasn’t much closer than Rodgers and Hammerstein were to depicting Anna and the King of Siam truthfully.) Or take Tanz der Vampire – maybe I’m squeamish… okay, I am for sure squeamish… but I’m pretty sure the only thing one gleans from researching what happens when someone sucks the blood out of a person’s throat is an upset stomach.

Lesson number one: not all characters are you. You haven’t experienced – and won’t experience – everything. If you think contextual research will help “take you to ‘that place,’” do it but don’t feel that it’s something you have to do; often, it ultimately won’t matter to the task at hand. You’re not making a documentary, and no amount of research will magically turn you into whoever or whatever you’re trying to be.

So, what can you do? Start by relating to what is part of your emotional truth. If one is playing, say, Elphaba in Wicked, they may not have hidden superpowers, but they can probably relate to being unpopular or picked on in school (indeed, a lot of actors probably can), and a person of color will surely relate to being discriminated against for an immutable trait, such as their appearance, that they can’t change.

But that’s only good for what’s within your range of experience. What about what isn’t? Simple. Remember when you used to “play pretend”? That’s it. That’s all you have to do, and Stella Adler’s “imaginary memory” work (for my money, one of the best techniques besides Meisner’s) backs me up on it 100%. “Sense memory” is about a suggestion to the imagination: putting yourself in the context of the new, imagined situation and letting yourself react fully – as yourself – in the fantasy situation, like today’s gamers playing a committed fantasy game, or kids who play make-believe to the utmost and then some. It’s not real, but it calls for that level of commitment to make it appear real.

After the fact, when I looked back with finite introspection on the moment I finally got the emotional “method” technique to work for me, “playing pretend” is exactly what happened. I wasn’t back in a prior reality from my life; I was reacting at the moment to the new situation, as though it were part of my life. Your job in rehearsal is to put yourself in the character’s shoes, while also conveying the particular circumstances of what’s in the script as filtered through the director’s concept (which may be mostly communicated to you non-verbally). “Sense memory” and field work will only go so far in helping with that; it’s more in what you bring to the table as a performer.

It’s Okay to Get Technical

I’ve attended loads of acting classes in my time, mainly to observe, and I’m not altogether thrilled with what I see. Generally, these days, I see a lot of performers, usually American (not to stereotype, it’s more a reflection of the true motive behind the acting class itself as discussed above), who are sloppy, have no vocal/external technique (I call them “mumblers” or “peepers” because they can’t project to save their lives, resulting in an inability to hear them while sitting 10-15 feet away at an audition), and are ignorant of literature and history. They’re like an oafish audience member that somehow wandered into the world of the play, and is bumping into things/people as they make their way around it.

This is a reflection of what I stated above: priority is not being placed — at all — on steps 1 and 2 of the Stanislavskian approach anymore. What folks forget is that the Russian actors with whom Stanislavski first developed “the method” already had superb training in the external/mechanical approach. They already knew how to work a stage; they were just incorporating the internal “method” as well. I don’t care how much you “feel” it — if you mumble into your shoulder and have no knowledge of the historical period, or rhythm, or what poetry or genre is, you’ve lost me.

Cinema allows a lot of this to slide because it’s a different medium with different demands, but if you’re going to use a method acting technique for detail and individual differentiation onstage, your external technique — and your command of the language, character, mannerism, poetry, intonation — has to be outstanding first, so that when you give yourself the emotional triggers, the instrument the response goes through is phenomenal technically, and can project and articulate excellently. Unless you’re first superbly trained externally, which is perhaps most important in live theater, any internal technique you use might as well be worthless.

That’s the big secret, kids: you have to use both internal and external approaches to be a truly effective stage actor. It shouldn’t be a big secret; there’s no sharp division between them like these self-styled “coaches” insist, and it becomes more obvious the more one speaks to performers. Indeed, it’s entirely possible to arrive at one via the other. The very best external performers often wind up feeling something emotive while using the external technique (sometimes they’ll call it “having a breakthrough,” especially if they’re used to relying solely on external technique for results). “Internal only” proponents frequently find that assuming an external posture and expression can help them trigger an internal emotion. (Psychologists have known for a long time that our external appearance can affect our internal mood – for example, if one is forced to sit in a slouched position, head down, chest caved in, for a length of time, it’ll affect their emotional state negatively. Studies have proved this.)

The best examples I can find, frankly, are the British. This is partly because American acting teachers aren’t nearly in the same league as the Brits. Not to generalize too strongly, but the British are generally much, much better because they come from an oral culture where everyone is literate. By contrast, American culture can be woefully ignorant, and performers bred in it don’t necessarily have a natural drive to educate themselves. The proof is in the pudding: otherwise “method” practitioners like Vanessa Redgrave have superb external technique/actor’s instrumentation.

Since this blog entry is already making many unpopular assertions, I’m gonna go out on a limb and make another one: in America, I’ve seen the best contemporary stage acting, by and large, from rappers who have diversified into acting. They’ve already mastered rhythm, emotion, and most important of all, in their way they’ve already mastered speaking clearly, distinctly, and with volume, which is the most important – should be the first – stage acting lesson. They may be inexact at times, but they’re never bad at it.

To reiterate: learn external/mechanical acting inside and out, master it, and then add “the method.” If you use this approach to get there, your stage work will either be brilliant or improve ten-fold if you’ve already been using one and not the other.

The Ultimate Truth

The ultimate truth acting teachers are afraid performers will wise up and learn one day is this: beyond the absolute basics for beginners, acting isn’t learned in a class. Acting is learned – and perfected – by apprenticing/interning with a more experienced company, by doing and observing, like a trade such as being a jeweler or a blacksmith. Can’t find a group? Get a group together with your little friends, chip in $100 apiece, strike a deal with a local venue, and start.

And then what, you say? How do I learn? How do I get better? You work, and more specifically, you note the audience’s or onlooker’s reaction. The audience will teach you what to do. Do they fall asleep, or worse, are they moved to an emphatically negative response like throwing fruit? Better not do what you just did the next night. Do they respond in a manner where they’re rapt — they applaud, they laugh, they’re touched — or do you have a real breakthrough? Good work! Keep it up, expand on that. Trial and error, “guys, gals, and non-binary pals” (sorry, Thomas Sanders, it’s too inclusive – and cute – not to use), it’s all trial and error.

An acting class will cost you thousands of dollars. Interning with working professionals costs you nothing. I did the latter, and I had a better résumé, was working more, and was more in demand than the vast majority of the acting teachers I knew by the time I was 19. Take the hint.


Well, that about wraps it up, for now, folks. I hope to resume a more regular posting schedule; tune in over the next month or so for audition advice, ground rules — and helpful techniques — for effective rehearsal, tips for the first-time touring performer, and at least one more episode apiece of “For Your Consideration” and “Hello, Dumb Ass!”

Until then, as we say in the theater, ciao!

Practical Advice for Actors: Prologue

At last, the time has come to address a hitherto-neglected section of the class: my performers. How ya doin’, performers? I’m about to save you loads of cash and teach you stuff you mightn’t have learned without me. Isn’t that lovely, possums? (Sorry, been watching too much Dame Edna lately.)

Be you a writer, a director, a producer, or any of the important creatives, you’re only as good as the tools you work with, and, for better or worse, one of those tools is your cast. As such, it’s important to understand what they do and what they learn. I’ve acted before — not a great deal, but enough to get the gist — and, more importantly, I’ve observed many an acting class that I thought was horseshit. Naturally, I have some stuff to say about all that.

Now, some may well say, “But you admit your acting background isn’t that strong. What does a producer know about acting? What can they contribute to the discussion, compared to an actual actor?” It’s a valid question.

My answer: a lot of young people looking to break into acting think getting advice on acting from an actor’s perspective is the logical move. It’s not hard to see why; from a purely technical standpoint, someone with a lot of experience at a job is generally the best person to learn from about said job.

But actors ain’t perfect. I’ve met a lot of bitchy actors who preach (in the words of A Chorus Line) that they “won’t regret, can’t forget what [they] did for love” but can’t resist displaying the chip on their shoulder about how their career turned out. I’ve encountered egomaniacal assholes who bullied fellow cast members and weren’t at all honest or transparent about themselves, their technique, or their careers. You’re only as good as those you learn from, and that’s as true for teachers as it is for students. To the more ruthless, you’re not their “work child”; you’re a potential competitor, or even a replacement if they don’t keep their head in the game. Consciously or unconsciously, a degree of sabotage can creep in. And the comparatively innocent may hand down pseudo-psychology practiced on them instead of questioning its appropriateness or worth, to begin with. You don’t want to absorb negative behavior or traits, but they’re not always so easy to separate from good advice. In other words, it might not hurt to hear about acting from an industry professional for whom it’s not their sole focus.

Before I continue this series, let me be clear: all that I say – while it seems common sense to me, and may to you – may not work for you. Read what follows and learn from it, but take it with a grain of salt. Remember at all times that I’m primarily a producer; I’ll never fully understand an actor’s process, except to know I can’t, and that what I say won’t apply to everyone. (Except for stuff about auditions and rehearsal etiquette and such; that would even apply to top talent on my set.) What I ask, instead of merely disparaging it because it may not make sense to you on paper, is that you absorb this practical advice for actors and try to apply it first. That doesn’t seem so horrible, does it?

(Note: Much of the info in this series, including this post, will be derived from a master post at gdelgidirector on November 2, 2016. It has been, and will be, augmented by material from gdelgiproducer, and modified for its present audience.)

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